Would You Trade Dicks With Tiger Woods?

So when we recorded yesterday Spooky Ghost had just released his latest drop so it was obviously the talk of the town. First thing that popped out to me was the amount of girl vs guy pics, such a classic sext convo. As a guy you basically have to send one and then it’s a free for all. Girls just need the mutually assured destruction and then it’s on, one dick pic is the key to the kingdom. Once you get one pic from a girl you can get a million, it’s like an electronic version of “recycling” for them. It doesn’t even count because you already have one pic so what could go wrong with 50 more.

The second thing that popped out were those boots. OUTRAGEOUS boots that you’d have to put on after getting naked. Makes no sense.

Finally, conversation turned to our bread and butter: dick talk. While the whole internet was going gaga for Tiger we pondered an important question: would you trade dicks with Tiger Woods? To me, the answer was an easy no. Now let me clear about one thing, I don’t have a good dick. There is absolutely nothing spectacular about it, the internet will never go crazy for it, no one will ever even care enough to “leak” it. It’s just a dick. It’s like everything else on my body, it’s just there but it’s not memorable. Now having said that, I’ve also never gotten laughed out of the room or kicked out of bed so that’s why I’m not trading. I don’t want foreskin, I’ve been anti-foreskin since I was born and I will be until the day I die. Tell me all about the “better sensation” but guess what? I’m not fucking looking to make sex feel better. I’ve never been having sex and thinking, “God, if only there was a way to make me cum quicker this would be perfect.” Also, while I mentioned that my lowly penis has never gotten me kicked out of bed, there’s a chance Tiger’s does. There’s a chance Tiger takes a regular girl home and she decides there’s no way that’s getting put inside of her. That ain’t happening with me.

So thanks but no thanks. Sometimes celebrities lead more impressive lives but when push comes to shove, you’re perfectly content with your boring life. That’s where I’m at with me and Tiger’s penises.