If Hockey Doesn't Work Out For Patrik Laine, At Least He Has A Modeling Career To Fall Back On
I know that Failing Upwards is the fashion podcast under the Barstool umbrella and I’m sure those guys do a fine job. But if you’re ever going to take fashion advice from one human being on planet Earth, make it Patrik Laine. Buddy just gets it. He’s a total steeze hound. Obviously we have to start off here with the pants.
Lot of people are going to be focusing on the bright red color. While I agree that it’s an incredibly hot choice, that’s not my main takeaway from the slacks. The real star here are the pockets. It looks like Laine is rocking an old Motorola Nextel phone in one pocket while trying to smuggle in a family size bag of Swedish Fish in the other pocket. It’s called accessorizing, you neanderthals. Why don’t you look it up sometime. The giant pockets really accentuate the look and bring everything together. Without the loaded pockets, Patrik Laine is just some jackass wearing bright red pants to a hockey game. But with pockets that stuffed? He’s super sexy hot guy.
Next on deck we’ve got the top. Now I’m sure that we are going to see a ton of different outfits from Portnoy this weekend at the Derby. I can assure you at this moment that none of them will look even half as good as this one right here put together by Patrik Laine. If you thought there was already enough bright red in this get up with the pants alone, you were dead wrong. You gotta break out the matching tie. Throw on the blue blazer and turns out that Captain America is a Finnish hockey phenom who plays for a Canadian team. What a world we live in.
And then finally we get to the money maker. The signature piece that puts this whole look off the charts. The Billy Goat Beard. I’ve written about it plenty of times before. It somehow manages to be absolutely hideous and stunningly gorgeous at the exact same time. It transcends time and space. It sickens me. And I love it. But from head to toe, this outfit fucks and it fucks hard.
Unfortunately, it didn’t quite fuck enough to give the Jets the advantage last night and they drop game 4 to the Preds 2-1. That series is now tied up at 2-2. Pittsburgh/Washington is tied at 2-2, so is Vegas/San Jose. And Tampa Bay/Boston is at 2-1. At the very least, 3 out of 4 series need to go to 6 games and there’s a legitimate chance we could see all four go to Game 7. First round was kind of a let down but the Stanley Cup Playoffs have totally redeemed themselves.