Trump Handshake Breakdown: Emmanuel Macron And Some Cheek Kissing

We’ve got a lot of hot action with Trump and Macron this week. A lot. They’re everywhere, wives included. It’s an overload on the senses for guys like us who hawk diplomatic interactions scouring the footage for intimate moments. As is tradition, there’s a lot to breakdown. Let’s hop in.

Present the challenge

Veteran move from the Trumpster right out of the gate here, presenting the hand in a dominant “come to daddy” open-palmed manner. Look at that Macron face: total and complete submission.

He’s forced to come to papa, and come he does. Trump knows it, basically celebrates that fact right in his face.

“I win already.” -Donald Trump’s brain

Cheek kiss

Are Trump and Macron two world leaders meeting to discuss their respective nations’ best interests, or two oppressed lovers eager to whisper sweet nothings upon each others’ ears for the first time in months?

Impossible to tell. Pretty French stuff from the guys here, but thought for a second we were going to get SUPER French, if you catch my drift.

Ear play

“Do you have any urinating ‘professionals’?”

The signature

A Trump staple late in the proceedings here. His signature, the over-the-top hand pat.

When a grown man pats the top of your hand, it’s not good. Situation or circumstance do not matter, it’s not good.

The finale

A final show of dominance from The Don, the hand around the back.

Be weirder, Macron.

You can’t.

Oh wait

…yes you can!

That wasn’t human, right? Had to be their body double robots interacting there. That’s not a human thing. That’s not what people do. That was blatantly two machines trying to interact like humans.

Smart to use body double robots in this dangerous day and age, but probably should be a bit more discreet about it. Or reprogram those things so they don’t look so blatantly robotic.

Trump also wiped some dandruff off Macron’s suit.

It’s been a hell of a week.