Based On Everything I Know About Gay Relationships, Frankie And Francis Would Make A Fantastic Couple
Office romances are tricky to navigate. You have to be discreet enough so that your relationship doesn’t make your coworkers uncomfortable while simultaneously showing affection to your partner. It’s a nightmare scenario that people typically handle in one of two ways. They either A: avoid each other completely or B: unapologetically flaunt their love. Francis and Frankie, we’ll call them FF, are a case of the latter. But it didn’t start that way. It started with an erotic yet powerful coming out blog on March 27th. Which at first, didn’t sit well with me. But the more I thought about it, the happier I became. And the more I realized how perfect they are for each other.
I actually wasn’t even going to write this blog until I saw a clip from today’s Variety show:
You can catch the whole episode here.
Anyway, at this point they’re both far enough out of the closet that I’d like to explain to the readers why they’re compatible based on what I’ve learned about gay relationships. First, the obvious: they’re physically compatible.
On the right you have your masc dom top, and on the left you have a twinky gender-neutral bottom. Sorry, *smooth bottom. To be clear, the only reason I’m including the word ‘smooth’ is because Francis made it a point to bring it up in his initial blog.
I could tell that not a single follicle of hair had ever grown on his perfectly smooth ass, which is probably tighter than a Chinese finger trap. It is said that Frankie once spent a day at the beach and a few grains of sand made their way up his swimsuit; 2 months later, he shit out the prettiest string of pearls this side of China.
That, and I know how picky guys can be when it comes to body hair. Am I concerned with his level of familiarity with gay vernacular? Slightly. I was surprised by his use of the word size queen, but some guys pick it up faster than others.
At 4:10, Frankie finally gives his own review. “6.8,” he says, reminding us that he’s not a size queen.
Regardless, physical connection is key in gay relationships due to their tendency to become non-monogamous. You can tell by the way these two look at each other they’re into it. So that should bode well for their future, especially if they want to bring in a third for the occasional Lucky Pierre.
Then there’s the living situation. The LGBT communities are notorious sackers. It’s not uncommon to meet someone and be moved in together within a year. FF have known each other for about ten months and are on pace to do exactly that. It’ll take some getting used to for both of them. Francis will have to get over his fear of going to the bathroom in front of girlfriends, and Frankie will have to tell his very Italian parents that while he enjoys their home cooked sausages, he prefers something more real. It also may be tough to explain that it’s normal for the older guy to pay the rent as long as there’s a prior arrangement. Hopefully he’s able to explain it to them before they read what the arrangement is.
I’ve been waiting for the right moment to give him a key to “our” apartment. It’s a big step, especially given that it would force Frankie to tell his parents that he was moving out of their house to live with me, and that the only rent he would have to pay would be in the form of access to his margarine-slathered buttocks twice a night and once each morning.
I’m sure it’ll work out.
They also both have a solid following online so which is highly sought after in the gay community. If you’re single you use it to DM and if you’re a couple you use it to commoditize your relationship with products like Andrew Christian and Diesel. A lot of guys also take pictures whitening their teeth with blue light. It’s a great way to make an extra buck. And an even better way to show people that you and your partner are comfortable with each other.
At any rate, I could write another one thousand words on why these two are perfect for each other but there’s no need. If you follow Barstool you already know. Frankie and Francis are HQ’s power couple. So congrats to them for living their truth. It must have been hard keeping all that love inside when all you want to do is scream it from the top of a mountain. I can’t wait to see how their relationship blossoms in the coming months. #Gymshortszn is the ultimate test of loyalty. See you two queens in The Pines.