Kacie McDonnell Owes Me An Explination

Dear Honey Bunny,

What…what did I do wrong? Is it my face? We talked about that and you said there was just more to love. We had such a great thing going. Between our playful banter on Twitter and me trying to hide straight wood during our interviews at Eagles games I thought things were perfect. Now here I find out you’re jet-setting South and frolicking around with some SEC Quarterback floozy…on INSTAGRAM!!! My heart deserves the decency of a phone call before you shatter it into pieces. We could’ve been Philly’s premiere power couple. But now…now all hope is lost. Don’t even try texting me again, I won’t be there*.

Will never forget that one time when you accidentally touched my leg and later I legit sniffed your hair when you weren’t looking. Smelled like…victory.

Kisses Forever,

Smitty
Barstool Sports’ Sexiest Blogger, declared by Smokeshow of the Century Kacie McDonnell, 10/27/13

*Legit whenever Kacie texts me I try to play cool and not respond for a couple hours like I’m busy or something but in reality I’m sitting pantsless blogging just thinking about what I can say back without sounding like a jackass. 10 times out of 10 it involves a purposeful punctuation mistake or two to make it seem like it was rushed. I need a life.