Fellas, Ya Got Big Tits? Might Wanna Stop Using Those Essential Oils

Young men who are regularly exposed to lavender or tea tree oil may be at risk of developing large breasts, according to a new study.

Researchers from the National Institute of Environmental Health Sciences (NIEHS) found that eight chemicals in the oils disrupt hormones.

“Our society deems essential oils as safe,” J. Tyler Ramsey, lead study author and postbaccalaureate research fellow at NIEHS, said in a statement. “However, they possess a diverse amount of chemicals and should be used with caution because some of these chemicals are potential endocrine disruptors.”

This explains a lot. For years I’ve been wondering why my breasts have appeared to be more swollen, juicy, and nearing the point of milk. Finally, I have answers.

My friends, I’ve long been a sufferer of dandruff. Flakes. Snowy shoulders. In order to combat this medical condition, I have turned my skin-riddled shoulders to the natural wonder of tea tree oil. I give myself a nice little treatment whilst bathing and I’m good to go for a couple of days. When the flakes return, so does the oil.

Each time I rise out of the bathtub, I notice that my nipples are incredibly puffy. Many species in the animal kingdom find puffy nipples to be a mating call. Unfortunately, humans find them to be weird or gross. For me, my radish-sized swollen nip nips were a source of shame but a shame that was seemingly unavoidable. I now know that my large tits arent because of my lack of working out and rather sedentary lifestyle but because of the tea tree oils that I use, ya know,,, because of the dandruff. I cant tell you how freeing that is.