100-Year-Old Orville Rogers SMOKES The Competition In The 60m Dash And Sets A World Record

ORVILLE! ORVILLE! ORVILLE!

Byyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyye. What does world record mean? Is that bad? Did he break it? What a BEAST. Or more like a goddamn flash of lightning. Orville The Lightning Bolt. That’s what they call him. Usain Bolt who? Orville smoked the competition. It wasn’t even close. Orville could’ve lapped those other suckers. Orville was through a handful of Werthers by the time the others crossed the finish line. They’re gonna have to move Orville up a couple of age groups. Hell, he might even be able to complete in the 70s bracket. That’s how much speed he has. At least give Orville something to compete against. He’s gonna be strutting his ass around the assisted living home like you wouldn’t believe. Break out the Viagra. It’s bout to be a party up in this mother fucker.

UPDATE: Wait, Orville wasn’t the super fast guy? I’ve been had! I will continue to believe that Orville was the fast dude. I don’t care.