Steve From "Blue's Clues" Wants to Fight John Cena For His Old Job Back

Author’s Note: This one goes out to all who have been complaining that the site has “changed” post-Chernin. I’m getting back to the pirate ship content you want here. The Blue’s Clues content.

In case you’ve been living under a rock, mothafuckin’ Blue’s Clues is coming back. That’s right, in 2018, even Blue’s Clues gets a reboot. They need a new host, and are open to people of all shapes, sizes, genders, and fame levels, from A-listers to no names. Auditions are going to be held in Burbank, CA on April 14th for the public, but it seems there’s already a clear frontrunner AND HIS NAME IS JOOOHHHHHNNNNN CEEEENNNAAAAAA!

The two-time Kid’s Choice Awards host has a great relationship with Nickelodeon and obviously carries the enthusiasm needed to carry the green-striped torch, but he won’t be taking over if Steve could help it. The original host wants to square up with Cena and throw some hands to get his old job back.

Now, I’m a huge Steve guy. Everybody knows that. I cried my little eyes out when he “went to college” and left us with his shitty cousin Joe. That being said, don’t you come crawling back now Steve. Where were you when I had to put up with that non-striped shirt piece of shit as a kid? That bowl cut havin ass fraud?

Oh, that’s right. You were getting bald as all hell starting hipster rock n roll bands.

Now that your music career has dried up you want back in on solving your cartoon dog’s mysteries? Fuck outta here. He looks like a pervert now! I’m not letting my kids watch that guy’s face all day!

John Cena is taking over and there’s nothing Steve can do to stop him. I might even audition to make sure he can’t even come in second place. He’s coming in third AT BEST. If he actually wants to try fighting Cena though, may I recommend using the Rough N Rowdy as your platform? I’m sure we could make a couple bucks off that. Cena would lay his ass down for the three second tan REAL quick, though. Maybe Steve could be CM Punk’s opponent for UFC 225 in Chicago. I’d pay to see that too. It’d probably be a much closer fight.