The Fucking Undertaker Is Coming Back For Another Match At WrestleMania
Hey folks. You may remember a blog of mine from January 12th, 2018 where I entertained the possibility of The Undertaker (52 years old) coming out of retirement (again) for (another) match at WrestleMania (this year). If you don’t, let me refresh your memory…
If I have to watch The Undertaker get one more standing ovation/”Thank You Taker” chant at WrestleMania I’m going to blow my brains out. He got one after his Hell in a Cell “End of an Era” match with Triple at WrestleMania XXVIII, after his horrible match with Brock Lesnar at WrestleMania XXX, after his UNWATCHABLY BAD “retirement” match with Roman Reigns at WrestleMania XXXIII…it’s just rubbish and it’s garbage and I won’t stand for it. All he’s doing is tarnishing his legacy. He should have retired at 21-1, but NOOOOOOO. Now he’s 23-2 and hasn’t had a good match at WrestleMania since 2013. Also, why are we wasting John Cena in what may be his final years as an in-ring performer? I want to see him and AJ Styles, or him and Kevin Owens, or him and Sami Zayn, just give him someone he could POTENTIALLY deliver a good match with. Not old man Calloway. His time is up (lol) and I refuse to respectfully golf clap for him anymore. He’s not respecting me or anyone in that company by taking up an hour of ‘Mania. When he’s walking down that aisle in New Orleans this year, I’ll be booing the everliving shit out of him.
Oh, one more thing, how about John Cena stops retiring too? Homeboy leaves his wristband in the ring after every god damn match nowadays. Just chill out Ferdinand.
You could say I wasn’t thrilled with the notion. As the “Showcase of the Immortals” has been getting closer and closer, I’ve been dreading the Deadman’s return more and more, yearning for my own mortality. Yep. That’s right folks. I’d rather die than watch this fucking guy try to wrestle again. We go through the same shit every year and it’s honestly like Tiger Woods now. Undertaker gets a “game changing” hip surgery before WrestleMania, his body breaks down in the ring, he has a bad match, he retires, he says he’s done and never coming back, the next year he gets a new “game changing” surgery, he’s supposedly in better shape than ever before, he posts deadlifting videos, rinse and motherfucking repeat. Jesus Christ I’m tired of it. The same shit happened this year!
So of course, we saw this coming from a mile away. John Cena, who’s actually had a pretty intriguing storyline all throughout ‘Mania season, challenged him on RAW last night for no reason whatsoever other than to get both of them on the card. BOOOOOOO.
That line about his wife’s Instagram was fire, but I’m just so tired of this shit. I then realized something though…John Cena humanized The Undertaker in that promo…and Kid Rock is going into the Hall of Fame this year. Is there any chance?
I think there is! We sure know where his politics lie so he could be clamoring to return in this role…
And there was a clause at the bottom of that blog I wrote back in January…
P.S. Forget everything I said in this blog if he comes back at the “American Badass” with Limp Bizkit’s “Rollin’” as his entrance theme. Then it’s ok.
I’ll extend that offer into Kid Rock’s American Badass theme. If there’s any gimmick I love it’s the Biker Undertaker gimmick. I’ll put up with his shitty immobile body if I at least don’t have to watch him walk down the aisle for 45 minutes and get to see him RIDE down the ramp on a Harley. So it’s settled.
Deadman Taker wrestling? I’ll beat traffic/use his match as a shit break.
American Badass Taker wrestling? I’ll be in a bandana jumping up and down screaming along to Kid Rock at the top of my lungs.