I Used to Work for the NFL

I’ve been making videos on and off since 2012 but before Barstool hired me, It was rare for me to make any money off them (ok maybe like $25-30 a month in youtube ad revenue but that’s just semantics). However, every once in a while(twice in my entire youtube career) I would get hired by a company to make them some branded content. The first instance of this was when I met the CEO of Pivothead(the video camera sunglasses I’ve used in a bunch of videos) and he offered to pay me, a cameraman, and a producer to go to Thailand for a week and make content for his company. Dream job right? I was ecstatic. Unfortunately the trip didn’t go quite as planned. Long story short my producer ended up getting hooked on over the counter xanax, we lost a bunch of the video camera shades he sent us down with at a Full Moon party, and none of the videos we made for him ever saw the light of day (We did release a two part documentary about the endeavor tho).

Those were dark days. I had blown my first chance at making a career out of content creation and I feared no other brands would ever give me another chance. However, after one more year in the mud grinding out youtube videos for pennies, I finally got my second big break. Emphasis on BIG, as this time it was the God Damn NFL that came knocking on my door. As it turned out, my friend’s son had an internship with NFL China (yes I have some older friends, Haven’t you seen “Call Me By Your Name”? Befriending older guys is in vogue these days) and they were looking for some help marketing their NFL Game Pass product, which allows people outside of the US to watch live games, past games, coaches film, condensed versions of games, and NFL network whenever they’d like. They wanted someone who could reach the American expat demographic and my friend’s son recommended yours truly. At first they were skeptical. Could the NFL afford to be associated with a degenerate of my caliber? Will it send the wrong message to the kids? Can kids even afford Gamepass?(no). However, after my friend assured them that I “wasn’t as big of an asshole in person”, they agreed to meet and discuss a possible collaboration.

In the meeting I made sure to crank up the charm(and not crank hoons) and ended up leaving their office having been hired to make two videos promoting Game Pass. This was a YUUUUGE opportunity. If I knocked these videos out of the park I could be on the fast track to becoming the NFL’s official ambassador to China or at the very least an expat version of Frank Caliendo. This was not the time to be slap dicking around. I needed to make sure these videos were my best work yet. I’m talking a well thought out concept, top notch video production, and professional editing. Somehow…none of that happened.

YIKES. Didn’t really bring my A game here. Probably should have spent more than 20 minutes writing the lyrics and making the beat on an iPad App. Maybe should have splurged for a freelance videographer and not just had some homeless guy hold the camera for 10 bucks. Needless to say, after that video the NFL chose not to renew my contract and I returned to obscurity, pumping out videos that would be lucky to surpass 5,000 views until I’d get hired by Barstool Sports three years later. Come to think of it, I guess Pat Mcafee and I have a lot more in common than you’d think, just two normal super athletic dudes who were never quite able to reach their full potential with the NFL but now thrive at Barstool Sports. VIVA.

Oh and it looks like the NFL finally found the Chinese ambassador they were looking for. Happy for you guys but If you wanted me to wear makeup and get my ears pierced all you had to do was ask. I wouldn’t have been opposed.

P.S. I must note that it didn’t always look like I’d get my big break at Barstool. In fact, in 2015 Dave agreed to pay me $500 if I made a video about watching the Super Bowl in China.

I hired a camera guy, made the video, sent it to him, and then never heard back from him I got brought on Barstool Idol two years later. Don’t worry Pres, 2018 Donnie forgives 2015 Portnoy for not paying me for the video because 2017 Portnoy gave 2017 Donnie his dream job. It’s a wash.