A Group Of Californian Cities Want To Break Away From California And Form A New State Called New California

USA TODAY- The founders of New California took an early step toward statehood Monday with the reading of their own Declaration of Independence from California, a state they describe as “ungovernable.”

Their solution: Take over most of current-day California — including many rural counties — and leave the coastal urban areas to themselves. “The current state of California has become governed by a tyranny,” the group, led in part by vice chairman Robert Paul Preston, declared in a document published online.

“After years of over taxation, regulation, and mono-party politics the State of California and many of it’s 58 Counties have become ungovernable,” the group said in a statement, citing a “decline in essential basic services” including education, law enforcement, infrastructure and health care.

No offense to the good folks of U.S. #supercities like Shasta, Humboldt, Inyo, and Butte (haha). But this is one of the more ludicrous things I’ve ever heard. I feel like California and Texas are always talking about stuff like this. Threatening to break up with the U.S. or bring in a new family member like some crazy ass wife trying mix things up in a perfectly good marriage. But whatever movement they push gets a little bit of traction before falling on its ass like that dude who went viral on the black ice last week (I know you want to watch it again. I do too).

Lets start with the most obvious issue here. The name stinks. The Michael Scott Paper Company thinks that “New California” is unoriginal. I need a little more creativity out of the people trying to change the America I grew up loving. New World Order California or East Cali (not Eastern California but East Cali) are both a billion times better than New California and I just thought of those off the top of my head. Actually lets scrap the East Cali name because that makes me think of West Virginia and noooooo new state wants to be lumped in with West Virginia. Wait, what’s that?

The group, organized with a council of county representatives and various committees, hopes to model their split after the state of West Virginia.

Okay, these people are clearly in wayyyy over their head. Moving along.

The United States has 50 states. 50 is such a nice, round number. 100 seats the in senate is perfect. There are 8 billion U.S. flags, each with 50 stars in a nice, uniform order. Everything just falls into place so nicely. It’s like the NFL having 32 teams, with 4 teams in each of the 8 divisions. Everyone’s OCD is at ease with 50 states. You throw a 51st state into the mix, it’s just that liiiiiittle bit of chaos that plays tricks with peoples’ eyes and minds. Nobody likes crooked numbers. Even having San Diego, a popular city that commoners like myself have heard of isn’t going to help their cause. San Diego couldn’t even keep the fucking Chargers. How are they going to be the the big name city that spearheads a new state? New California could get some legs if they had L.A. or San Fran (the locals hate when you call it that) on the squad. Those cities get the private parts hard/wet/etc. when it comes to making moves. But those are probably the two cities that these New California hippies have the biggest problems with.

Now I’ll admit I haven’t been to any of these rural cities that are discussed here. But I’m pretty sure I have visited the video game version of them in Grand Theft Auto V and they STINK. Nothing but backwoods, Hills Have Eyes spots where it’s impossible to steal a good car or find a helicopter. Meth? Probably not so hard to find. But everything else I saw through the eyes of Trevor Philips stunk. Is that the kind of place we want repping the 5-1 for the U.S.? I don’t think so.

Maybe New California can try to recruit Puerto Rico to join like when two expansion teams join together. I guarantee a good portion of the U.S. thinks that there are actually 52 states as is. But Puerto Rico has bigger fish to fry since they are somehow still fighting for help to get electricity back up after those hurricanes ravaged them.

And the last issue in all this is the state flag. These Californians act like they want to secede from California, but I guarantee they aren’t ready to leave the California state flag behind. No residents loves their states flag more than Californians (Marylanders come in a clooooose 2nd). I will admit that this is a beautiful flag.

Do you really want to leave that flag behind? Yeah your taxes, healthcare, and education may improve. But there is no chance that New California will have a better flag than Old California. Actually, if the naming committee has anything to do about the flag, they will literally copy that flag and just change the bear’s fur to black. I am OUT on New California.