Shawn Kemp Was In Town Solely As A Fat Dunk Prop And Probable Seed Spreader

Fat Rules 101: Vertical stripes, Shawn. Horizontal doesn’t do anyone over three bills any justice.

This was taken from the And1 Dunk Contest and other events held over the weekend at the Liacouras Center. Just found out about this today and I’m not angry about Shawn Kemp being in Philadelphia. Dude was a certified beast of the dunk back in the day. 1st team NBA Jam no doubt. What I am angry about is that some sort of Amber Alert or one of those fucking annoying iPhone sirens that makes a flash flood warning sound like a Tsunami is coming wasn’t sent out to protect all of the women in the tri-state area. Bomb shelters and bunkers were invented for situations like this. The Reign Man is the original Antonio Cromartie and takes no prisoners or precautions when it comes to spreading the seed. The “official” number still remains at 7 kids with 6 women in 5 different cities, but there’s no doubt in my mind each of those figures could be quadrupled. Solid chance next June there will be another baby boom in the Philadelphia area because nobody was given a heads up.

Oh, and here are the overall highlights from the weekend.