Critics Have A Big Dump In Their Pants, Justice League Is Fun As Hell
***There will be spoilers in this review preceded by a spoiler warning. This is a spoiler warning to warn you of the spoiler warning later in this blog***
Welcome back to Rob’s Monday Morning Movie Review! This weekend I saw the critically-panned Justice League, a movie I’ve been excited for pretty much since I was born. I’m gonna give a little backstory to my relationship with the DCEU (DC Extended Universe, it’s what they’re calling this franchise), and then get into the review. If you only care about what I thought of Justice League, scroll down until you spot the poster and start there.
I’ll never forget my brother telling me about the rumors that a “real life” Justice League flick might happen back in 2009 right after The Dark Knight changed everything we thought we knew about superhero movies. I was over the moon. I had all of the action figures, the comics, I’d been watching Justice League Unlimited over and over again for YEARS at that point…and then it just didn’t happen. I wasn’t sure I’d ever see the Justice League, or even the Trinity on screen together after that, because I thought if that fell through the cracks, it’d stay there forever. Less than half a decade later, Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice was announced. I couldn’t believe it. Unlike everyone I knew, I really dug Man of Steel a lot, so this was amazing news.
I was working concessions at a movie theater when BvS came out, and got the option to go to an employee-only screening at 3am the Wednesday before it came out so it wouldn’t be spoiled by patrons on opening night. Of course, I agreed, and honestly, I loved the movie. I was fully aware it was extremely flawed and would go on to be bashed mercilessly by critics. I knew it wasn’t “good”. But I enjoyed the shit out of it. I was never going to watch a live action fight sequence between Batman and Superman that was based on the fight from The Dark Knight Returns (my favorite comic of all time) and not go nuts.
Suicide Squad was the next movie in the DCEU, and once again, critics weren’t pleased. This one even more-so than Batman v Superman, and I got it. Suicide Squad suuuuuucked. That CGI clusterfuck of a third act was mind numbing. But…I enjoyed it. I’m a DC fanboy who just marks out over seeing Deadshot on the big screen! Never did I EVER imagine he’d get that kinda shine, but here we are, in a culture where superhero movies are all the rage, and everyone’s getting their turn. I just think it’s awesome seeing my favorite comic books come to life, because I’ve never been a Marvel comics guy. Their movies blow DC out of the water in the most lopsided battle of all time, but when it comes down to my ink bagged and boarded by comic shop clerks every week, I think it’s just as lopsided in the opposite direction.
Wonder Woman was finally a movie everyone agreed on and said, “Yep! That’s how to do a superhero movie, absolutely nailed it!”, and that was nice. I no longer had to stand on a pedestal with a megaphone saying “BUT IF YOU DON’T THINK ABOUT THE PLOTHOLES YOU CAN HAVE FUN!”.
This weekend I finally saw a movie featuring the Justice League on screen together. The movie I heard about in 2009. I didn’t see it in my usual environment, with the cheering, OOO-ing and AHH-ing opening night crowd. Nope. I saw it on a Sunday afternoon in a half empty theater, and you know what? There was cheering, OOO-ing and AHH-ing from yours truly, because I had a blast with this movie.
Fueled by his restored faith in humanity and inspired by Superman’s selfless act, Bruce Wayne enlists newfound ally Diana Prince to face an even greater threat. Together, Batman and Wonder Woman work quickly to recruit a team to stand against this newly awakened enemy. Despite the formation of an unprecedented league of heroes — Batman, Wonder Woman, Aquaman, Cyborg and the Flash — it may be too late to save the planet from an assault of catastrophic proportions.
Justice League picks up shortly after the events of Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice, where we saw the death of Superman at the hands of Doomsday, Lex Luthor’s Frankenstein-esque creation. A bug-looking alien gets in the way of one of Batman’s criminal interrogations, and the world’s greatest detective quickly realizes Earth is about to come under attack from wherever this creature came from, as it lined up with Lex Luthor’s journals. Knowing he won’t be enough, he has to do it…he has to assemble a team.
The first half of the movie is spent meeting our new heroes – Aquaman, The Flash, and Cyborg – while we caught up with Bruce Wayne (Affleck still kills this role) and Diana Prince (Gal Gadot also kills her role and is maybe the sexiest woman alive). I’d definitely agree with any critic who said this was rushed and could’ve used another half hour to flesh everyone out, but liked what I saw.
My biggest concern leading into this flick was that they’d fuck up Aquaman and reassure everyone that the stigma about him being lame was correct. Other than Batman, he may be my favorite superhero on DC’s squad. He’s been a badass mofo for many years now and I wanted that to be apparent, and boy was it. Jason Momoa was an absolutely perfect casting, and he was written as the one member that was too cool for the rest of the Justice League, which WORKED! Do you know how fuckin’ suave you gotta be to be too cool for Batman?! Momoa had swagger out the ass in this role.
Barry Allen, The Flash, was a character I wish we got more backstory on, because he was probably the highlight of the whole film. His comedic relief landed with me constantly, making me laugh out loud with every joke he threw out, and he kinda played a Luke Skywalker-esque role of being the audience’s bridge to a strange world. Cyborg was a bit of a weird character and it felt like he had scenes axed from the final cut that hit theaters. There was a lot of him, but not a lot about him. While this is all going on, we’re also being introduced to Steppenwolf, the main villian for this movie, and he’s retrieving Mother Boxes. Through exposition, you find out what happens if and when he’s able to get all of them together, and hence, PLOT!
Obviously the elephant in the room is Superman, and it’s never really hidden that he’d be revived to help the team. In the (awesome) credits sequence that opens the film, Henry Cavill is credited as narration plays about his death. His eventual revival is so sudden you can barely process it, but leads to a fantastic scene that immediately follows. He’s obviously a great addition in the final act as well. He’s got a lighthearted side to him never explored in Man of Steel or Batman v Superman, and it’s revealed through one of two lines of dialogue in his limited screentime. Just goes to show that it doesn’t take much to make Superman feel like Superman. Oh, his digitally removed mustache, by the way. Definitely noticeable for the one scene it’s (not) in.
Overall, I loved this movie. It was rushed, the villain was fairly forgettable, and it could’ve been done much, much better, but god dammit I couldn’t wipe the smile off my face for a second! It felt like a long episode of Justice League Unlimited. I had so much fun! I can’t imagine being friends with anyone who sat in a theater picking apart tiny plotholes here and there, not having a good time with this one. That may be hypocritical of my to say as I rip movies new assholes all the time on this website, but so be it.
Would I have preferred DC to just copy Marvel’s format step-by-step, giving each character a solo film before the grand team-up movie? Of course! That’s the way to go! DC didn’t do that, though. They did this, and it was fine. I was still fist pumping in the back of the theater every time any two members of the League were teaming up, mouthing “LET’S. FUCKING. GOOOO!” whenever someone hit a crisp line, and invested in every second.
I think Justice League was a good movie that laid a foundation for a GREAT sequel. Here’s to hoping Batfleck sticks around, because was the bomb in Phantoms, yo.
***SPOILERS BELOW***
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***SPOILERS BELOW***
Let’s do a few bullet points of shit I loved…
-Superman fighting the Justice League was amazing. His eye catching Barry running around him may have legitimately been the highlight of the movie, and Batman being FUUUUCKED up was so funny.
-Every scene with Erza Miller as The Flash made me crack up. The kid has IT. He’s so likable and innocently funny. The scene where Batman tells him to “Just save one…then you’ll know what to do” was a hero-making performance. One of those “With great power comes great responsibility” moments.
-The Flash and Superman racing mid-credits! The age old comic debate! I had massive chills at the freeze frame that looked like it was right off Alex Ross’ paintbrush.
-Speaking of after credits stuff, LEGION OF DOOM! WITH DEATHSTROKE! He looked so badass!
-J.K. Simmons as Commissioner Gordon was a brief role but I thought he played it well. Jeremy Irons once again killed as Alfred.
-The one Green Lantern tease that lasted like 5 seconds simultaneously made me PUMPED and gave me PTSD to Ryan Reynolds’ piece of shit Green Lantern movie. I was a little disappointed there was no Hal Jordan or Martian Manhunter in this. Thought one of them would be the one Alfred says he was expecting in the trailer, but I don’t even think that scene made it into the movie.
-Where was the black Superman suit? They cockteased us with that for months!
-Superman and Cyborg laughing about wanted to be dead/Cyborg’s toes hurting was the most Superman-like thing he’s ever done personality-wise in this universe.
I think that’s it. I don’t know guys. I enjoyed the shit out of this.