A Guy Tried To Open His Beer With A Pepper Spray Can At A Movie Theater And It Exploded.........Wait What?

NYP — It’s legal to drink beer in German movie theaters — but it’s probably not a good idea to try to open your beer bottle with a pepper spray canister. However, that’s exactly what a thirsty moviegoer tried doing at a cinema Monday night in the northwestern German town of Osnabrueck. Instead of opening his beer, the 29-year-old man broke his pepper spray container and some 200 people had to quickly leave the theater in tears. The cinema’s manager told the German news agency dpa on Wednesday that it was “chaos.” Still, he kept his head, calling police, offering beverages to moviegoers and opening the windows. He says the movie was restarted after 30 minutes.

People are dumb as shit but I get it. I mean, you gotta get your beer open. What else are you supposed to do? By any means necessary. You didn’t bring a bottle open but you did bring a bottle of pepper spray. Why not give that a whirl? And if it result in a theater full of 200 people being evacuated, so be it. You gotta get that sweet nectar inside of you somehow. Are guys carrying pepper spray now? Is that a thing? I kinda want to carry some pepper spray. Get myself a little holster. Let people know I’m not fucking around with my pepper spray.

I will say that I don’t understand wanting a beer while at a movie theater. They started serving beer at my local theater and I never once even thought about buying one. I don’t get it. That is not the time or place. I drink beer at a bar. Not the movie theater. You might be saying that’s blasphemy but I’m right and you’re wrong. Movie theaters are for drinking Coca Cola slushies until your brain turns into an icicle and eating your body weight in sugary candy. Nothing else. I think it’s Pavlovian. I turn into a small child every time I walk into a movie theater. I walk into a movie theater, I want candy. Candy that I snuck in, of course. I’m not paying $75 for a half-filled bag of Sour Patch Kids. I’m sneaking in a family-sized bag. Sneaking in candy like it’s a Rita Hayworth poster is 75% of the fun of going to the movies.