Papa John's Says People Aren't Buying Papa John's Because Of NFL Anthem Protests... Wait, What?

(ESPN) — Executives from Papa John’s, the official pizza company of the NFL, expressed disappointment on a conference call Wednesday about the league’s ongoing player protests during the national anthem. “The NFL has hurt us,” company founder and CEO John Schnatter said. “We are disappointed the NFL and its leadership did not resolve this.” Executives said the company has pulled much of its NFL television advertising and that the NFL has responded by giving the company additional future spots. “Leadership starts at the top and this is an example of poor leadership,” Schnatter said, noting he thought the issue had been “nipped in the bud” a year and a half ago. In revising sales estimates for the next quarter, Papa John’s president and chief operating officer Steve Ritchie said on the call that the NFL deal was the primary suspect behind the decline and that “we expect it to persist unless a solution is put in place.”

Look I like Colin Kaepernick, I think he’s a good guy who has his heart in the right place even if some people don’t agree with his actions, and I want the Patriots to sign him so bad just so I can watch the world burn. No one would have a CLUE how to react to that one. The “racist,” Trump loving Patriots sign the guy who started kneeling during the anthem? Boy would the takes fly!

Having said that? I’m all about this Colin Kaepernick is America’s Boogeyman trend and I think it’s time I got involved. I mean we’ve already had NFL ratings being blamed on players, inspired by Kaep, taking knees and now we’re saying that people have stopped eating Papa John’s over it, apparently on some kind of “I’m not eating shitty pizza until all athletes stand for the anthem” hunger strike. It’s insane that everyone blames whatever they’re failing at on some social awareness cause, but I’m all aboard this crazy train. I haven’t gotten laid in a while, looks like girls are upset about the NFL anthem protests. I’ve put on a few pounds already this fall, guess my metabolism has decided it wants millionaires to RESPECT THE FLAG.

Anything in your life that’s going wrong, just blame it on Kaepernick and you’ll have a good amount of people who are like “yup, that makes sense. He ruined everything.” I’m all about quick, easy fixes that ensure I never need to take responsibility for anything and this one is just perfect.