John Kruk's Always Been A Boss

KFC and others have been massaging John Kruk’s one ball for the past couple weeks saying he’s the man and he’d be the perfect drinking buddy and blah blah blah. My response to that is, you fuckers just realizing this now? The Kruker has always been the man. One of the last true ballplayers to truly not give a shit who would choose some beers, dogs and tits over his own body any day of the week. Granted, everyone only see’s Jake now eating wings like a fat ass or sweating like a fat ass on ESPN. Well, he’s always been Philly’s loveable, mulleted fat ass, and he’s always been the man.

Pretty damn good ballplayer, too. Would bat .320’s in his prime. Stats don’t lie, but his playing weight definitely did:

170???? Yeah, in your bra.