The Good, The Bad, And The Ugly From The Eagles Spankage In Kansas City

27-20. Realistically a 27-13 game that was very winnable until the 4th quarter. But here we are, so let’s evaluate.

THE GOOD:

Ginger Jesus:

Was he perfect? God no. There’s a lot of things this kid needs to improve on. But he played good enough to win this game with the cards he was dealt. 25/46 for 333 yards, 2 TD’s, 1 pick that was deflected at the line, as well as a few timely drops. Not to mention being berated all afternoon by the Chiefs defense in his face with 6 sacks. He got a lucky break to pad his stats (see below), but Wentz didn’t play bad or ugly.

BATSHIT LUCKY!:

The D-Line:

4 sacks and solid pressure all day long by the boys up front on D. Also played the run game well by only allowing 112 yards on the ground, 53 of which came on one play. Good enough.

Cameraman BOOM:

Madden awareness on 10000.

She good. Or whatever.

Alshon’s Mindset:

Seconded.

THE BAD:

BATSHIT CURSED – K Jake Elliot Edition:

Missed kicks happen. But…come on now, rookie. A 30-yard chip shot to tie the game going into the half with Dr. Momentum on your side has gotta be nailed.

This:

It’s somewhat of a different game, for sure. But putting the entire responsibility and workload of a franchise on and off the field might not be the best way to develop a second year QB. Just a thought. Balance that shit out.

The Play Calling:

ON BOTH SIDES. And what did you expect? All this game was proving was who could call the more frustrating, predictable plays for one’s fanbase. Screen passes, sweeps, shovel passes ahoy. The entire Eagles secondary dies on the field and Andy Reid continues to dink, dunk, and not attack the defensive backfield. Andy gonna Andy. But the Eagles threw 46 times (50 called passes) against a Chiefs team that has a very good pass rush, while they ran just 17 times (13 called rushes). Not Good!

The Offensive Line (Minus Fucking Isaac Seumalo):

No run game. Minimal pass protection. Just an all-around clustershit bad effort and execution by the entire OL, minus Isaac Seumalo, who deserves his own category.

Whipping It Out On The Sidelines:

Not exactly the best look. But, hey, when you gotta, go you gotta go.

UGLY:

The Run Game:

Statistically, not the worst thing ever. Visually, it was pretty fucking bad. Carson Wentz led all rushers with 55 yards while Sproles followed with 48 on 10 carries. But it was painfully obvious they couldn’t get anything going on the ground. Plus there was zero carries for the top FA savior at running back. ZERO!!! At least Blount don’t give no shit about yo fantasy team.

Fucking Isaac Seumalo:

Yup. When you look like dogshit in Week 1 and follow it up by giving up 4, count em’, 4(!!!) sacks in Week 2, you deserve your own category. I’d say bench this bum but apparently Howie Roseman didn’t think this OL that includes Jason Peters needed much depth. SIDENOTE: Dennis Kelly, who we traded for the glorious bum DGB last season, is a local legend filling in at Tennessee. Just another move by the powers that be that looks great at the time, but ultimately ends up being piss poor. She’d be a great help in green right now.

Locker Room Talk:

“You can’t be throwing the ball 40 times in a game,” Ertz said. “I don’t care.

“How may passes did he threw today? That’s not ideal,” Ertz said. “Low 30s is probably where you want him at. 30 passes, 60 plays.

“We want to be a balanced offense. We got the lineman to do it. We got the running backs to do it. We got the tight ends to block, receivers to block. We just have to go out there and put it together.”

Having players question coaching decisions postgame is ACTUALLY BAD UGLY. Best get control of that locker room with all that “Emotional Intelligence” allegedly needed to be a head coach.

This Fake Wholesome Bullshit:

So you mean to tell me the poor, no, POOREST man’s Andy Reid couldn’t beat Andy Reid? SHOCKER. Even more of a surprise that the sheep eat up this happy crap and don’t see the big picture. The NFL is a competitive business. You do whatever you can for the slightest of edges. If Andy Reid thought Doug Pederson was that essential as a football mind, do you think he would let him walk to a competitor? Not only let him walk, but reach out to the Eagles himself and recommend they take his OC, someone ZERO NFL TEAMS even thought about interviewing until Big Red said something to the Birds, off his hands? Think about that. Would Apple actively encourage Verizon to poach their #2 at the company? It’s bullshit. Andy Reid essentially campaigned to make one of his 31 competitors worse…and the Eagles took the bait and swallowed it whole. Time’s fucking yours.

Alas, here we are. Giants. Home opener. Let’s get that W and the Division.