Becoming A Ferry Guy Could Very Well Be The Best Thing To Ever Happen To Me

Every so often, something happens in your life that makes it all worth it. One of those little things that reminds you hey, life ain’t so bad. Maybe you found a new delicious beer, like I did just this week

Maybe you river quad aces and get paid off, like I did a couple of weeks ago

but all of that pales in comparison to what happened to me this week.

You see, I live in Hoboken, New Jersey. Just a stone’s throw away from the glorious (shit hole) city of New York. To get across the river to the big city, you have a couple of public transportation options- bus (poor people), PATH (the Subway that runs from Jersey to Manhattan), or the ferry.

Now you see, I’ve long heard rumors of this ferry. But where I lived didn’t allow me to take it, as I lived downtown and the ferry leaves from uptown. Until this week.

This week, I packed up my belongings

(artist rendering)

and moved uptown to the land of milk and opportunity. Where the beer flows like wine. Where the doggos are cute and the ladies are classy. And where best of all, the ferry jets across the Hudson like a boat out of hell.

The ferry, in one word, is AWESOME. I will never, everrrrr go back to taking the PATH. The PATH has no WiFi, everyone is squeezed in there ass to dick, and you get off of it sweaty and sexually confused.

The ferry is completely life changing. It gets you from Hoboken to New York faster than you can blink. If you can forget boats often crash, resulting in mass casualties, it’s by far the best mode of public transportation.

Now that I’m an uptown ferry guy, I don’t know what other changes are coming in my life. I no longer live near Johnny Rockets, so I’ll have to find some upscale place to eat 3-4 times a week. I might start sipping cognac and smoking cigars. Throw away all my tshirts and only wear fine Italian linens. Who knows! World is my oyster.

I will miss things about downtown living. The aforementioned Johnny Rockets. Swiggys. Frankie and Avas. Colleen at Marty O’Bs. But I’m an uptown guy now. My past is in the past. I have to let it go. I’m now an uptown guy, and I will never go back.