I Was Supposed To Win The $758.7 Million Lottery But Ol' Lady Mavis Won Instead

ABC News – One Powerball ticket among the millions sold across the country has made 53-year-old Massachusetts resident Mavis Wanczyk a very rich person.

The Massachusetts State Lottery announced Wanczyk as the holder of the lucky ticket for Wednesday’s $758.7 million Powerball jackpot, the largest haul in North American history for a single winning ticket.

“It’s just a pipe dream I’ve always had,” Wanczyk told reporters during a press conference Thursday. “It’s just a chance I had to take.”

Wanczyk said she bought two quick-pick tickets and a third ticket for which she picked out the numbers herself, and the latter was the lucky one. Some of the numbers she chose were birthdays, one was her lucky number 4 and others were random, she said.

I’m going to be completely honest- I’m devastated. I thought this was the time I win. I thought every other time I’ve bought tickets and lost were just leading up to this one time. I bought a decent amount of lottery tickets last night, and while laying in my bed waiting for the clock to strike 11, I was going over in my head what I’d do once I won. Probably lay low for a bit, then on Saturday book a private jet to Vegas with some of my friends. Get a penthouse suite with a jacuzzi, and buy ring-side seats to the fight. Shock the world. Dave would be in shambles. I’d also buy a ticket for Robbie Fox just so he could stunt all over Dave and the girl who doesn’t give a fuck about him that he’s gonna bring to the fight. Then I’d play some extremely high stakes poker with Dan Bilzerian and whatever other rich people want to play, then do whatever hundred millionaires in Vegas do after. Probably some drugs we don’t even know exist.

Then I’d wake up in 2 days and 2 million dollars later and book a trip down to see the Titanic, among other things. Would I quit Barstool? I’m not sure. It wouldn’t really matter. Maybe I’d do a blog here and there, I mean, Kirk Cousins contract situation isn’t going to write about itself. But besides that, I’d probably get a nice beach house in a couple different countries and surf out my remaining years. Also I’d get hair plugs. Very important!

But then 11:01pm hit, and I wasn’t a winner. On one ticket I got 2 numbers and the Powerball…good for $7. Just 3 numbers away from living the dream, but so far as well.

So shout out to ol’ lady Mavis. Freakin’ Mavis. What a lady. What a broad. What a life. One second she’s grinding away at work, a hospital where she’s worked for the last 32 years, and then next thing she knows she’s the sole winner of the 758.8 million dollar lottery jackpot. It was supposed to be mine, but ol’ Mavis had other plans. Hopefully she enjoys the cash, but at least I can sleep at night knowing it was supposed to be mine and I was screwed. I’ll win this lottery one day though. I know I will.