Bunch of Businesses Are Giving Away Free Food and Drinks Because In Case You Haven't Heard, It's Cold Outside

Come enjoy half price pizzas all night. Every pizza on the menu is 50% off starting at 5. Don't forget trivia night debuts tomorrow nite.

— RedRocks H Street (@RedRocksHStreet) January 7, 2014

Feeling the chill? Buy one cupcake, get one free today when you whisper "sugar vortex!" #polarvortex http://t.co/FhItG4XWbC

— Sprinkles Cupcakes (@sprinkles) January 7, 2014

Wear shorts today get any 24 oz Smoothie absolutely Free – no catch!

— TSC Ballston (@TSCBallston) January 7, 2014

Warm up today w/ a special Vino Caliente Cuban spiced mulled wine- free when you mention “It never freezes in Havana” Purchase of entrée req

— Cuba Libre DC (@CubaLibreDC) January 7, 2014

Celebrate Russian Christmas with Us at Mari Vanna DC! Free Comp. Vodka shot till 7pm for everyone!!! See you there! pic.twitter.com/ihkfN1xoYS

— Mari Vanna DC (@MariVannaDC) January 7, 2014

This just in: Temp with the wind chill is -10º at Caltort HQ in Rockville, MD. So, we pay you .10¢ to eat queso today with any purchase!

— California Tortilla (@caltort) January 7, 2014

Have you heard about the weather? The USA is one giant igloo at this point. Definitely not too damn hot for a penguin to be walking around. So a bunch of places are giving free food or drinks to try to get people to be a hero and leave their house. I know a guy with two thumbs who won’t be doing that. Earlier today I tried to do the boiling water turning to snow trick. Thought it would be a wacky bit. I ended up splashing the pot of water straight into my face. So that burned a little. I tried again and it sort of worked except I failed in recording it and it’s about 20 degrees too warm for it to really work anyway, so now I just have a shit ton of ice on the front walk.

PS: if you leave your house in 0 degrees to say “sugar vortex” to get a cupcake, just swandive off a bridge.