Pittsburgh Media Is Finally Trying To Run Phil Kessel Out Of Town. Excellent
If you can blame Phil Kessel’s failed tenure in Toronto on one specific reason, it would be those rat faced fucks like Steve Simmons and the rest of the Toronto media constantly doing everything they could to run him out of town. The exact moment Kessel’s production in Toronto dropped, the media turned him into the anti-Christ as if he was the sole reason why those numb nuts couldn’t get themselves out of the dumpster. So they run him out of town, he’s eventually traded to the Pittsburgh Penguins and hockey officially has a Super Team with Crosby, Malkin and Kessel. What do they go and do? Win back-to-back Stanley Cup the first two years Kessel is in town.
For the rest of the 30 fanbases in the league, it has been a brutal 730 days. But lucky for us, it could all be over soon as the Pittsburgh media is about to make the same mistake the Toronto media made just a few years ago. And you can thank this bag of shit Ron Cook from the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette for that.
PPG – But it’s the next possible big loss for the franchise that really is intriguing to me…I believe Phil Kessel will be traded. It might not happen this week or this month or even this offseason. But I believe it will happen sooner rather than later. Tocchet’s departure could hasten the process.
Yes. Yes. YES! This is what covering hockey in July is all about, people. You just start firing up ridiculous, unconfirmed claims and pray one of them sticks. Best part about this? Ron Cook is clearly a pro. This ain’t his first rodeo. So what does he do? He puts out a take that can literally never be wrong. Says he believes Phil Kessel will be traded but doesn’t know when. Could be today, could be tomorrow, could be 40 years from now. But as long as Phil Kessel doesn’t retire as a Pittsburgh Penguin, you have to credit Ron Cook for having this trade first. And wait, it gets better.
It was clear in June, by the end of the Penguins’ second consecutive Stanley Cup run, that the organization wasn’t thrilled with Kessel. He scored 23 goals in 82 games during the regular season, not nearly enough for a player with his marvelous shooting skills. He had a huge goal — one of the most significant of the postseason — to beat Ottawa, 1-0, in Game 2 of the Eastern Conference final but scored just two more goals in the final 11 playoff games. Even though he had 23 points in the 25 postseason games, it was hard to find anyone in organization to say he was playing well.
My belief is Evgeni Malkin wasn’t thrilled to play on the same line with Kessel. And Sidney Crosby? Sullivan acknowledged Crosby and Kessel have no chemistry together. None.
Inject this column straight into my mother fucking veins. Sure, Phil Kessel only had 45 playoff points over the last two years in 49 playoff games to win back-to-back Stanley Cups for the Penguins. But mayonnaise connoisseur Ron Cook decides to make up some fake controversy between Kessel and Malkin instead because he has a word count to hit before deadline. It is incredible. Truly a remarkable piece of speculative journalism that you can only receive as a gift from a credentialed member of the media, and not some low-life blogger living in his mother’s basement.
And the root of his entire argument is on the fact that Rick Tocchet is no longer with the Penguins and that if it weren’t for Tocchet keeping Kessel’s head in the game at times, Kessel would be driving everybody ape shit all game long. Which perfectly sets up the future narrative for Kessel to become a coach killer for whoever the Penguins decide to replace Tocchet with. Ron Cook, you beautiful sonofabitch, you. It’s magnificent.
From the bottom of my heart, I want to thank Ron Cook. I will forever be indebted to this man for stirring up this controversy now rather than later. It’s not out of the realm to see the Penguins win their 3rd consecutive Stanley Cup. This is one of the best assembled teams the game has ever seen. But Ron Cook just put the first crack in the wall. And eventually that wall is going to crumble down. I just wish it was that fat fuck Mark Madden who could get most of the credit.