Jay-Z Announcing His Next Album On Sprint's Twitter Account Was Sad To See

I miss the old Jay-Z, the Reasonable Doubt and Black Album Jay-Z, the person that wasn’t trying to make me change phone carriers or pay for music in 2017 like an idiot Jay-Z. I mean I guess Sean Carter became Jay-Z partially thanks to his ability of slinging dope to dope fiends the same way he can sell water to a well. And sure it could have been T-Mobile or MetroPCS on some real poor people shit instead of Sprint. But seeing the guy that made people who were driving a Range Rover 4.0’s feel like paupers peddle his wares for a phone company is sad. Jay-Z has so much money, he shouldn’t even care about this shit. Yeah I know he’s doing it for Tidal and he’s probably more addicted to winning than money. And to be honest, I didn’t even know Tidal was even around anymore. I thought it was dead and buried or at least had been purchased by Spotify or Apple Music. Nope, now it’s just the exclusive home of the Jay-Z’s back catalog and probably Memphis Bleek’s greatest hits. And since everyone used up their free Tidal trial on The Life Of Pablo, those numbers are going to be about 30 to 40 grand.

Also while I hate to say it, a new Jay-Z album isn’t going to cause me to drop from Verizon LTE service to some spotty ass Sprint 1x. Jigga is and forever will be my guy. Well Biggie’s my guy because he’s the greatest MC these ears have ever heard, represented for all us fat guys of the world, and shares a birthday with me. But the Jiggaman has been my favorite living rapper since Christopher Wallace died. And even I haven’t loved a Jay-Z album since The Blueprint 3, and that came out in 2009. KFC had just started at Barstool. Steph Curry was just a rookie from a tiny college with shitty ankles. Big Cat was in the real estate game instead of dominating the podcast industry and pissing his pants on camera.

And before The Blueprint 3, the last Jigga album I loved was The Black Album, which came out in 2003. Dave Portnoy was in the cubes. Eli hadn’t even become a Giant. And Shaq was still a fucking Laker. Am I supposed to believe that Jay-Z’s newest album where he had to deal with a kid running around the house and a pregnant Beyonce in his ear while tweeting like a typical 47-year-old is going to revert back to the guy that dropped 22 Twos on all of our ears as we counted out each to/two/too?

Helllllll no. Changing to Sprint to get first dibs on the Jay-Z album before its leaked is like changing to Sprint to watch a Roy Jones Jr. fight in 2017.

I really really miss this dude.

Truest tweet ever tweeted.