Unfollowing People On Instagram: A Discussion
Donnie messaged me today to tell me that he unfollowed a girl on Twitter because her tweets were terrible. Within minutes, she had flipped out about it. He seemed surprised by this, which surprised me. The same thing happened to me on Instagram recently: I unfollowed someone and they told me, in person, how “rude” that was. So let’s discuss the protocol for unfollowing someone on social media, focusing largely on instagram. First, though, I’ll just say that I’m not an expert in social media (a lot of people hate my twitter game). These are my observations and personal frustrations and you should follow my advice at your own peril.
I’m going to tackle this from the stance of someone with fewer than 1,000 followers because that’s the majority of people and the rules are different when you’re playing in the kiddie pool. First off, if someone you know follows you, you’re supposed to follow them back… ESPECIALLY if it’s a girl. NOT reciprocating a follow is very insulting; it’s seen as the ultimate “I’m better than you” power move. It can ruin a day quicker than an early period in white jeans. Of course, it’s a tricky thing because everyone wants a strong “ratio.” Your ratio is the number of people you follow vs. your followers, and you want your followers to be much higher than the number you follow. Every time someone follows you, you have to decide whether to protect your ratio (and offend that person) or follow them back and endure their posts.
This brings us to my next point: some people post stuff that is so brutal that you simply can’t follow them. I’ve lost erections thinking about how bad the posts were of a girl I was in. (Yes, congrats to me on the sex; shame on me for wilting–I have a focus problem. Tried to cure it with adderall but when you mix that with viagra your heart explodes). But seriously, what is the thought process behind posting pictures of everything you eat? If you’re a food blogger, I get it, but if you’re just a normal person, we don’t care. Oh look, she’s having avocado toast with a boiled egg again. How adorable, how daring. It’s a good thing she took a picture because I was beside myself with worry, wondering if she was consuming enough monounsaturated fat. But like an angel delivering the news of Jesus’ birth, our prayers were answered: avocado toast again!
For guys, a picture of your craft beer, a shirtless selfie, or a picture of you and your girlfriend are all immediate death sentences. I don’t care if you drink, work out, or are happy; in fact, seeing you happy makes me angry. I’m sure a female writer could add some better examples but we don’t have any on staff ever at the moment so forgive the male-centric tenor of this piece. I tried.
Let’s get back to the ratio issue. If I see someone on Instagram who is followed by fewer people than he/she follows, I immediately write them off as a joke. I don’t even need to look at your photos. The people have spoken and I trust the consensus: you suck. I’m sorry, that’s just the way it is. At the very least, your ratio should be close. If you’re followed by less than half the number you follow, you should delete your account. It’s humiliating and no company will hire you when they do their background check.
If someone unfollows you on Instagram, and they didn’t die, you need to ask yourself a few questions. Why do you suck so much? Was your most recent post really bad, was the caption offensive, or are you simply posting way too often? If you’re a normal civilian, you should not post more than 2 Instagrams a week (unless you’re traveling somewhere dope, are hanging out with celebrities, or are leaving virtual suicide notes for people).
Ultimately, none of this matters. But there’s a reason that a recent CNN study found Instagram to be the worst social media app for young people’s mental health. Lack of likes, FOMO, and comment-bullying can wreak havoc on a sensitive mind. Despite everything I just said, let’s all try to be a little nicer to each other on social media. Instagram is like oral sex: if someone follows you, reciprocate. It might just lead to sex.