Witch Doctors In Mozambique Are Murdering Bald Men Because They Think Bald = Wealthy

Newsweek- Police in Mozambique have warned bald people they could be targeted by superstitious attackers, who believe their lack of hair denotes wealth, after two men were brutally murdered and their body parts reportedly used in witchcraft.

Two bald men were murdered in the southern African country in May; one of the victims was found decapitated and with organs removed, according to national police spokesman Inacio Dina.

“Their motivations come from superstition and culture: The local community thinks bald individuals are rich,” Dina said, according to AFP.

Some people in Mozambique mistakenly believe that the heads of bald people contain gold, which could explain why one of the victims was decapitated, the BBC reported.

“Brett! Cancel my flight to Mozambique!”- Dave

Just kidding. Dave would never go to Africa. And good thing, too, considering witch doctors are decapitating bald people because they think their heads contain gold. Amazing to think that rich bald guys here pay for plastic surgery to make women think they’re not bald, while rich guys in Mozambique pay for it so that witch doctors won’t harvest their organs.

Mozambique is a tough place for a bald guy. On the one hand, it’s nice to be appreciated. Walk down the street with the sun glinting off your head, turning heads and soaking the socks of every girl in town. “There he goes, the richest man in the land!” said the villagers, blinded by the bowling ball sitting on his shoulders.

But at night, that gift becomes a curse. Shamans waiting at every corner, arguing over who gets to keep your spleen, completely indifferent to whether your license says organ donor. It’s times like these when I’m glad I have a full head of hair, even if it is orange. I’d be totally safe, right?

Mozambique is one of several African countries where people with albinism have been hunted for their body parts, due to the false belief that albinos’ bodies possess magical properties and can be used in traditional medicine to bring good luck and fortune.

Oh. Never mind. It was weird enough when rural Chinese farmers thought I was a dragon. I’m not albino but you’d be forgiven for thinking I was. Mozambique is out.