The New Yeezy Shoes Are Butt

As a member of the flock of Yeezy, it pained me to write that headline but I must speak my truth, and guess what? My truth is that these shoes stink. I’ll typically buy anything that Kanye puts out without a second thought. Holes in a 400 dollar t-shirt? Must have. Outrageously baggy sweatshirt that looks like any crewneck ever but makes me look fat as hell? Give it to me, that tag on the inside that no one will ever see is dope! Camouflage sweatshirt with the pocket on the back that you can’t use? If you don’t get it then you don’t get fashion. If Kanye decided to bring back swastikas and Hitler cartoons, like those Japanese bodegas, then you can guarantee Feitelberg wants to get his hands on a pair.

But I have to draw a line in the sand and here it is. These are some Payless nonsense that look like a knockoff of every brand while simultaneously looking like a knockoff of none. These are the shoes you find in the back of a Kmart but there’s only one in the box and you look everywhere for the second, only to discover that someone used it to shit into in aisle 8, but you still have to buy it because you’re poor. These shoes stink on ice and their laces are WAY too long. Bad shoe, Kanye. Go back to Wyoming and make beautiful music on that mountain that I can dance to in your cool Yeezys.