Does This Look Like The Face Of A Guy Who Attacked His Neighbor With A Bowling Pin?

MISSOULA — A Missoula man who allegedly attacked his neighbor with a bowling pin has been charged with a felony. Michael Joseph Schumacher, 51, is being held on $20,000 bail on a charge of assault with a weapon. According to a court affidavit, Missoula police officers were called to a motel on the 500 block of East Broadway on Tuesday for a report of a fight. One of the men involved told police he got into a fight with another man and Schumacher, who he said he punched in self defense. He said the fight broke up, then Schumacher came up to him again and tried to hit him in the head with a bowling pin. The man said he and Schumacher both lived in the motel, and that Schumacher has threatened to shoot him in the past, the affidavit said.

Yeah I guess he does. He absolutely look like someone who keeps bowling pins in their garage but is that guy dead? That’s a real question. There’s something going on in that mug shot.

I mean what the fuck is going on here?

He’s either dead, cumming or listening to Fat Joe’s “Lean Back”. No in-between. Maybe praying but also maybe busting a nut. Anyway. A bowling pin is actually a great weapon. You could do some fucking damage with one of those things. It’s like a night stick on steroids. That’s got an attempted murder charge written all over it. I’m picturing the scene in Goodfellas where Henry Hill beats the shit out of his neighbor with a gun but instead I’m picturing him using a bowling pin. Just beating the daylights out of the guy. That would’ve worked if Goodfellas was a comedy instead of a mob drama. Alas.