#MarchDadness – Tournament of Dads – Elite 8 Voting Now Open
Elite 8 Voting Going On Today Over At @PodfathersShow
We are one round away from the Final Four of March Dadness, one of the greatest honors that old, washed up, always tired fathers can receive. As expected, the Selection Committee heard some griping when the brackets came out. Some fair, some unfair. There will always in snubs in tournaments like this, that’s just the nature of the beast. But I think we can all agree that the 1 seeds were properly seeded, as they have all rumbled to their respective regional finals. Darth Vader’s magical if not pure evil run came to an end. Same for my boy Mufasa, who got stampeded by the Randy Marsh stans (see what I did there). But we are left with eight studs that can all take the title, which is all you can ask for at this point of a tournament.
Onto the matchups!
Movie Region:
1. Bryan Mills vs. 6. Clark Griswold – A lot of the first round matchups were setup to have two dads that may be somewhat similar. God vs. Joseph, Archie Manning vs. LaVar Ball, etc. Well I think it’s safe to say that this matchup is a complete 180. We have serious ass, cold blooded killer Bryan Mills facing off against noted silly son of a bitch Clark Griswold. Yes, Bryan risked life and limb to save his daughter from an underground sex slave ring. But Clark also never allowed his daughter to get kidnapped by a bunch of European fuccbois.
I have no idea which way the Stoolies winds will blow on this one.
Prediction: Clark W. Griswold
Cartoon Region:
1. Homer Simpson vs. 6. Randy Marsh – Homer Simpson was clearly the torch bearer for cartoon dads in the 90s, while Randy Marsh is the current king of the mountain. Peter Griffin had a brief moment in the spotlight, but his reign on the top was short like leprechauns. My heart says Homer but my brain says Randy. Homer being fat and stupid was a funny, relatable character of the 90s. Meanwhile Randy Marsh is maybe the most ridiculous character on TV with highlights that include giant microwaved balls, being Lorde, and of course this picture which is the single most ludicrous picture that is shared on Twitter like it’s not a guy sitting in a cum-soaked room.
Just think about that last sentence again. Randy is as live a 6-seed as you will ever see.
TV Region:
1. Danny Tanner vs. 3. Coach Taylor – I can’t say I am surprised that these two made it here. Only the strongest dads, and some would say best dads, are able to survive raising only daughters. That’s probably the reason KFC bailed on Chaps and I by getting his wife pregnant with a son. Actually was Gracie Bell a girl or are aliens genderless? Regardless, these are two dads with tons of character and guts battling it out. Gun to my head I say Coach survives.
Real Life Region:
1. Antonio Cromartie vs. 3. God – The dick slinger vs. the Jesus bringer. One is an all-powerful being that gave us the entire world in 7 days, the other is the guy that gave us this video.
Advantage: Push
At the time this blog was published, I was told that this was race was tied 50/50. Antonio Cromartie and God are tied in a race for who is the best father. The Barstool fucking difference, folks. This one is a coin flip in my eyes. However, I imagine the anti-Jets/KFC bias will swing things in God’s direction, even though Kevin is also somehow Barstool’s God guy as well. Further proof that you can love God, but he may not love you back when it comes to sport teams success.
Again, don’t forget to vote by going to @PodfathersShow on Twitter. We will tally up the votes and bring you the Final Four tomorrow.