NFL Monday Morning Rewind
Well that was the craziest Sunday of the year. Last second comebacks, snow games, record breaking field goals, teams getting knocked out of the playoffs. Everything. If you weren’t sitting on your couch or at the bar for the 4th quarter of the early games yesterday I honestly feel bad for you. The best football finishes in a long time.
The games…
Colts 28 (8-5), Bengals 42 (9-4)
Sick tackling by the Bengals, clinical.
Yet the Colts still lost because they are the worst best team in the league. Has anyone placed a successful wager on the Colts this year? Every time you think they suck they’re good, and every time you think they’re good they’re absolutely atrocious.
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Gosh Darnit Andrew, I really Fudged that up
Falcons 21 (3-10), Packers 22 (6-6)
If there are a million awesome games on Sunday and the Aaron Rodger-less Packers face the 3 win Falcons does anyone care?
The answer is no, except of course this guy.
Browns 26 (4-9), Patriots 27 (10-3)
Crazy Game number 1 of the day.
You had Jason Campbell being someone other than Jason Campbell.
Gronk’s knee falling off, which legitimately sucks. As a diehard D-Rose guy losing young players to knee injuries is heartbreaking.
Norv Turner being real spooky, which is honestly the best word to describe him now. Guy is straight up spooky.
Then Cleveland did what Cleveland always does and lost the game in the most heartbreaking fashion.
White guy High Fives!!!
Raiders 27 (4-9), Jets 37 (6-7)
Geno is back/He played the Raiders and everyone looks good against the Raiders when they travel to the East Coast. But yeah, Geno is totally back!
First touchdown since October 20th, you know, back when we still we’re playing baseball? Check.
Tony Toughnuts in the crowd showing off his sweet bod? Double Check!
Lions 20 (7-6), Eagles 34 (8-5)
Crazy Game number 2. Yes there was a game somewhere under there.
And with a 14-0 lead everyone in the world thought the Lions had it wrapped up, well everyone except Matthew Stafford who pooped his pants/fumbled everywhere.
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Dolphins 34 (7-6), Steelers 28 (5-8)
Crazy Game number 3. The one that never was.
And he had space too, unreal.
And if you ever wondered what it was like under the pile in an NFL game, well basically you get your balls pulled through your butthole.
Fans of the game.
Bills 6 (4-9), Buccaneers 27 (4-9)
I couldn’t tell you one thing that happened in this game, not one. At least a few Bills fans were able to escape from Buffalo for a weekend.
Chiefs 45 (10-3), Redskins 10 (3-10)
People who have given up on the 2013 Redskins.
1. Mike Shanahan
2. The Redskins special teams
4. Chiefs fans that got blacked out drunk.
5. Guys who ride the train with Teddy Bears.
Vikings 26 (3-9), Ravens 29 (7-6)
Crazy Game number 4. In case you missed it (who the fuck missed this?) Here was the ending.
FIVE touchdowns in the last two minutes.
And of course the Ravens were 6.5 point favorites so most of America probably threw them in a tease. Meaning you went from thinking you had won, to lost, to won, to lost, and finally to won in about 10 minutes of real time. Here was the win probability.
And AP decided Ravens fans are the worst in the league.
These guys? Come on AP. Wouldn’t hurt a fly.
A what point does face paint turn into just makeup? Think we’re there with the guy on the right.
Titans 28 (5-8), Broncos 51 (11-2)
-You know how much Peyton Manning LOVES Football?
-How much Big Cat?
-So much he rehabs his ankle while wearing his helmet and listen to Offensive plays, that’s how much!
He does not love people telling him he sucks in cold weather though. Even though his record clearly states that he sucks in cold weather.
Manning on not playing well in the cold, “Whoever wrote that narrative can shove that where the sun don’t shine. ” @850KOA @BroncosRadio
— Andy Lindahl (@andy850KOA) December 9, 2013
Someone out there won a fantasy league on Matt Prater’s record breaking kick and that is why Fantasy Football is a brutal brutal game.
Rams 10 (5-8), Cardinals 30 (8-5)
Hey look a hand! Let me smash it into the ground.
-Humanitarian/Turkey Giver Darnell Dockett
Giants 14 (5-8), Chargers 37 (6-7)
Chargers fans may forgive but they’ll never forget.
But honestly, who would you rather have? This guy…
Or this guy, Zen Rivers.
Super Bowl rings are sooooo overrated.
Also I don’t see the Giants having Mario on their sideline.
Seahawks 17 (11-2), 49ers 19 (9-4)
The Niners are officially back, thank god. Because if we’re being honest there are two things I need in January.
1. Jim Harbaugh being a freak.
2. Niners fans probably stabbing someone over a football game.
Panthers 13 (9-4), Saints 31 (10-3)
And the shine is officially off the Analytical Ron/Smiling Cam Combo.
Hard-doh of the year.
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