Finally we Get a Miss Universe With a Pet Cause Worth Fighting for: Oral Hygiene

Jerry Thornton 1/30/2017 4:16 PM

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Daily Express – MISS UNIVERSE 2017 Winner Miss France, Iris Mittenaere, hopes to be a spokesperson for oral hygiene. Iris was crowned winner last night in the Philippines during the live streamed contest.

The 24-year-old dental student from Lille had her ambitions to advocate for healthy teeth and gums announced on the Miss Universe website.

The stunning French model was overwhelmed after winning the contest last night – and she wiped the tears of happiness from her eyes.

Well it’s about goddamned time. I never minded that every year Miss Universe goes to an Earth chick. That’s to be expected for as long as we have the home planet advantage. No, what I can’t stand is watching year after year while all these little princesses drone on and on about peace, female empowerment, ethnic tolerance, poverty and all that crap. Finally the judges gave us someone who’s not afraid to lean into the tough issue of dental hygiene. Consequences be damned.

Gingivitis. Plaque. Halitosis. Cavities. Bleeding gums. Stank breath. These are the causes we need to come together and fight as one people. The world needs a leader who’s willing to confront these issues and nag the world into brushing and flossing like the fate of mankind hangs in the balance. And by God, Iris Mittenaere is just hot enough to do it. Not to mention the fact that she comes from a land of unhygienic, chain smoking pastry addicts gives her all the moral authority to take us into a brave new world of proper mouth care. So thanks, Miss Universe. I for one will be proud to follow you on this crusade. Make teeth great again.

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