Dangle Days Hockey Recap: Mitch Marner Should Be Wanted For Murder After This Move He Pulled
Mitch Marner scored this goal in the shootout against Ottawa on Saturday night. It is now Monday morning and I still have no idea how it was physically possible. It defies all laws of physics. Sure, it’s just the same thing as a Ratchuk/Datsyuk move. But the way he twisted his body on this one is almost more mesmerizing than the stick work. Could you imagine if Marner was able to pull this move in Barstool HQ instead of having to shoot from 75 yards away with a tennis ball? We’d probably have to have the funeral for Pres today. And for you fun suckers at home whose immediate reaction is “cool move but that goal shouldn’t count”, here’s the explanation by the ref for why we have a GOOD hockey goal here.
Beauty of an explanation worthy of a beauty dangle. That was just mean from Marner. Kid might want to send Mike Condon and edible arrangement at some point today to say he’s sorry.
Elsewhere in the Dangle World…
I blogged about the Columbus Cottonmouths of the SPHL on Friday. In case you forgot, their team bus rolled over on Thursday while traveling to Peoria to play against the Rivermen. After the bus accident, they rescheduled their game on Friday night to Saturday night because they are hockey tough and just needed an extra 24 hours to get ready. They took the game against Peoria to overtime but then this happened.
Don Olivieri with the OT game winner for the Rivermen. Dagger for the Cottonmouths but what a move. Hashtag He From Philly.
I Don’t Get Why San Diego Is Upset About Losing The Chargers When They Still Have The Gulls In Town
Blogged this goal on Saturday so you can read up on it here. But I’ll just reiterate a couple things real quick. 1) We need to come up with a universal term to call this move because I’m sick of not knowing whether to call it a lacrosse goal (which it’s not), the Michigan, or the Mike Legg, or whatever. Let’s just all decide on one term and everything will be better. 2) the call by the play-by-play announcer was better than the goal itself.
Team Work Makes The Dream Work
Pretty mesmerizing sequence here from the Winnipeg Jets. The steal and drop pass along the boards by Little. The spin move and diving pass from Perreault. The quick dish from Big Buff and the easy finish for Wheeler. Probably should have slapped a little NSFW tag on that video.
Pavel Datsyuk Update: Still a wizard.
Luckily there is more young top-level talent in the league now more than ever, so it kind of takes our mind away from the fact that Pavel Datsyuk no longer plays in the NHL. He’s back home in Mother Russia where it was just the KHL All Star Weekend. So here’s what the Magic Man had to dish out for the shootout competition.
Doesn’t look like much to begin with but when you check out the alternate angle…
That cheeky little bastard. Chip shot on the backhand. Sauce God. But it wasn’t even the nicest move from the KHL’s Shootout Competition. Nope. That award actually goes to American Matt Gilroy who has a bright future in politics ahead of him if he keeps up with this bribery.
But the dirtiest shootout goal of the entire weekend? Well we have to go to San Jose for that where some kid broke out the dirtiest spin move/celly combo these eyes have ever seen during the intermission.
You see that right there? That’s why you #GrowTheGame. That’s why you put hockey teams in California and in the deserts of Arizona. That’s why you put hockey teams in Las Vegas. Because 25 years ago there’s not a single kid in the Bay Area who can pull off this move. Now little Timmy from down the street is demoralizing tendies between the pipes in front of 17,000 fans and cellying right in the kids face, probably took his recess girlfriend too at the same time. Ruthless. I love it. Gotta start these kids young.
Chris MacKinnon showed us why the 3HL Tour is one of the best up and coming leagues in all of hockey. Strictly dangles, no defense. That’s what the 3HL is all about. (In case you need a quick refresher, the 3HL Tour is a professional 3v3 hockey league that just started up in Canada this month. Might need to make a Barstool team happen soon)
Lax Goal of the Week
New addition here to Dangle Days this week. But hockey isn’t the only sport where dangles reign supreme and with the NLL season in full swing now, I figured we’d throw a little shine their way every Monday morning as well. So allow me to introduce you all to Jordan Durston of the Vancouver Stealth this week.
Crease dive from behind the cage. Love how baseball clowns always say lacrosse is for kids who can’t hit a curveball and got cut from every other sport. I’d love to see one of those unathletic fucks try to pull a move like this. Looking at you, JJ.
And that’ll wrap up this week’s Dangle Days. Thanks for stopping by. Have yourselves a week. Stay Saucy, my friends.