Pro Tip: Don't Try To Give Yourself A Circumcision With A Machete Like This Kid Did

Express- The boy turned to the extreme measure after friends mocked him and said he wouldn’t get a girlfriend. After carrying out his own circumcision using the nearest implement to hand – a machete – the teen was rushed to hospital. He spent two days receiving treatment at St Luke’s Mission Hospital in Zimbabwe’s Lupane District. Doctors were baffled as to why he had attempted to remove his own foreskin when voluntary healthcare professionals could have visited him at home. Dr Nyasha Masuka, medical director of Matabeleland North Province, said: “t seems the other boys were laughing at him for not being circumcised so he used a machete to circumcise himself and he injured himself in the process.” “He was rushed to St Lukes Hospital where the health staff circumcised him.”

Not a steak knife. Not a butter knife. Not a pocket knife. Not scissors. Not garden shears. A mother fucking machete! That’s what he picked. The way I picture this kid making his decision is like Bruce Willis in the pawn shop in Pulp Fiction. Going from household item to item to item and eventually landing on a goddamn machete. Who even has a machete just chillin at their house? Who has a machete chillin at their house and decides, “Yep, this is what I’m gonna use to separate the foreskin from my dick”? Lots of question and not enough answers. I do feel bad for the kid cause it sounds like he was bullied into doing it. That sucks. There isn’t a crueler group of people in the world than kids. Zero filter and will just dress you down on the spot and it’s usually the truth. But still, if you’re gonna make the decision to give yourself a circumcision, machete should be number 1,246 on your list. It shouldn’t even be on the list actually. The best part of the article is at the end where they say the medical staff circumcised him. That’s a lesson for all the uncircumcised kids out there. Medical staffs will do it for you. No machete necessary.