People Magazine Names The Rock The Sexiest Man Alive

Bit of a no brainer here, I think. The Rock’s outside is made up marble and his insides are made of fluffernutter. He’s America’s favorite son and I don’t think there’s even really a close second? There isn’t a soul on earth that dislikes Dwayne Johnson. We love him so much that Ballers is a successful TV show even though it stinks. You put The Rock in anything and people will watch it and love it.

As far as pure looks go, which is all I think the Sexiest Man Alive should be based on (it should be like the NFL Hall of Fame. No other influences. You’re a nice guy? So what. What do you look like in the mirror?) I still think Rock passes the eye test. I mean he’s still a very handsome man and he’s bald with at least one really bad tattoo (Brahma Bull). Do you know how hard that is to overcome? Baldness and bad ink. It’s almost impossible. Yet Rock pulls it off. That alone should have gotten him the cover. Winning world’s sexiest man with no hairline and a fucking bull tattoo is some Jim Abbott overcoming adversity type shit.

I deem The Rock worthy as as fuck of this honor.

PS – When asked recently The Rock said that he wouldn’t rule out a presidential run in 2020. He might have said it in jest but he’d for real have my vote. Don’t @ me.