LOLOLOL Europe's Mars Lander Crashed HARD Into Mars And Was Destroyed

Mashable- Poor little Schiaparelli. A new image beamed home by NASA’s powerful Mars Reconnaissance Orbiter (MRO) at the red planet shows that the European Space Agency’s Schiaparelli lander did indeed crash hard into the world during its attempted landing on Oct. 19. The MRO took a photo of Schiaparelli last week, revealing the site of the crater, but the new high-resolution photo shows more of the details of the crash site and its surroundings. The photos show a new, dark patch on the Martian surface that scientists think is the 15 by 40 meter crater left behind when Schiaparelli slammed into the planet after its engines unexpectedly shut off early, leaving it to free-fall and impact at high speed. “About 0.8 mile (1.4 kilometers) south of the lander impact site, two features side-by-side are interpreted as the spacecraft’s parachute and the back shell to which the parachute was attached,” NASA said in a statement.

I’m very happy about this. I really like it when other countries try to explore space and totally fuck it up. It’s always fun to root for your country. The World Cup, the Ryder Cup, the Olympics, and most of all, space. Fuck those other countries and their space programs. I don’t care if their advancement means advancement for the entire human race. America needs to be the first to do everything out there. Why? Because we’re the best on this planet and we as humans should want to put our best foot forward on the off chance we run into extraterrestrials out there. Do we want our first contact with aliens to be with the fucking British? No way. Aliens will think we’re a bunch of pansies who enjoy tea and crumpets and soccer. The aliens will come to Earth armed to the tentacles. Now, KFC and those other guys will say it was aliens who did this so humans can’t find them. That may be true and that’s fine. All that matters to me is that it crash landed and Europe failed. Doesn’t matter to me if it was caused by aliens or a faulty parachute or whatever. USA #1.

I will say this. This part of the article really makes you think aliens did fuck with their Mars lander

The lander was part of ExoMars, a joint mission between the European Space Agency and Russia aimed at figuring out if life ever existed (or does still exist) on the red planet.