Binary Bandits Continue To Wreak Havoc In Philadelphia
Over the past month or so, thieves have been terrorizing Philadelphia neighborhoods by stealing the 1’s and 0’s off of home addresses. The random attacks have since inspired copycats and this spree of horror shows no sign of slowing down. Now some of you may be saying to yourself, “big deal. It’s Philly. This is probably the least serious crime to go down in that city on any given day”. And I get it. This doesn’t involve gun violence. Nobody is getting “hurt” per se. But let’s actually use our brains for a moment here. What is the point of all of this? Why are people so fixated on stealing 1’s and 0’s off of homes? What’s the bigger picture here? What’s the message?
Well as somebody who is extremely woke, I’ll tell you….
HitchBOT. You remember this guy? The hitch hiking robot who was ultimately killed while traveling through Philadelphia? Now I haven’t dug too deep into this one but I’m HIV positive that HitchBOT has everything to do with this current crime spree. Think about it. The thieves are only taking 1’s and 0’s. Who speaks in binary code? Robots, that’s who. I think what’s going down here is that these thieves are looking for revenge. They’re planning some sort of grand scale attack. The address numbers aren’t the main target here. What they’re doing is just trying to accumulate as many numbers as they can to put out their binary message to the world. A binary message that will trigger the final attack to avenge HitchBOT’s death. Which is why it is paramount that we capture these Binary Bandits before it’s too late.
Philadelphia has saved the world once before by delaying the Robot Revolution. Now it’s time that we do it again. I need everybody out there to do their job and find these assholes and bring them to me. Alive. I need to ask them what the end game here is. I need all the information I can get and I won’t sleep until we get to the bottom of this. That’s my promise to you.