Is Smearing Peanut Butter On 30 Cars The Same Thing As Fire Bombing Civilians?

An Amherst Junction woman has been charged with disorderly conduct after allegedly smearing peanut butter on several vehicles parked outside what she mistakenly thought was a Donald Trump rally.

Christina Ferguson, 32, was arrested on Oct. 17 after disrupting what was actually a meeting of the Tomorrow River Conservation Club.

According to the complaint, Ferguson entered the meeting, which was being held on the 3900 block of Second St. in Amherst Junction, at about 9:30 PM on Monday, holding a jar of peanut butter and yelling at the club members about how much she hated the presidential candidate.
“Peanut buttering is better than firebombing, and Trump plans on firebombing everybody in other countries,” she said, according to the complaint.

According to the complaint, Ferguson smelled of alcohol; she later admitted to drinking beer and blackberry brandy that night, and blew a .218 on the deputy’s breathalyzer.

So much going on in this story. First of all, thinking you are peanut buttering a Trump rally that is actually a river conservation meeting had to be such a kick in the dick for Ms. Christina. People who usually hate Trump are extremely pro rivers and environment, not that all Trump folks hate rivers or something but many Trumpers deny global warming which is problematic.

Second of all, saying that “Peanut Buttering is better than firebombing” is the single greatest use of drunk logic that I’ve ever seen. When I first read it, I thought, “yeah. she’s right. At least she didn’t firebomb the river conservation meeting. Peanut butter washes right off. Sure, the oils can be troublesome but it’s not like you are dead unless you have a peanut allergy and then it’s extremely dangerous.” Kudos to her.

I’m not one to judge others for getting drunk at 9:30 so I will skip right over that especially because the last Presidential Debate is tonight. But, getting drunk on blackberry brandy is a wild move. I bet that hangover is something fierce. Stay away from sugary booze and your hangovers wont be as bad. (That was a science lesson for free) Waking up in jail after blowing a .218 isn’t the way you wanna start your work week.

The deputy in the case made a great point that ole Christina can use during her trial:

The peanut butter Ferguson allegedly used in the incident was described in the deputy’s report as a “family-size jar of low-sodium, creamy natural Jif.”

“Fortunately it wasn’t chunky peanut butter, so vehicles didn’t get scratched,” said Chief Deputy Dan Kontos.

Chief Deputy Dan Kontos is right. She didnt use chunky peanut butter so this should be a no harm, no foul situation. You use chunky peanut butter and you gotta do some time in the clink. Thems the rules. #FreeChristina