New Zealand Rugby Star Suspended For Cheating On His Girlfriend In An Airport Bathroom... Wait, What?

(AP) — New Zealand’s All Blacks are in South Africa preparing to play without their top halfback, who was sent home weeping after getting caught cheating on his girlfriend in an airport restroom. The scandal surrounding Aaron Smith, regarded as one of the best rugby scrumhalves in the world, has dominated media in New Zealand this week. Prime Minister John Key waded into the furor Thursday, saying Smith — who led the All Blacks in their iconic pre-game haka during last year’s World Cup championship campaign — “clearly let himself and those that are close to him down.” Smith was suspended for one match, missing the All Blacks’ last outing in the southern hemisphere rugby championship this Saturday in Durban against the Springboks, and faces a misconduct hearing. The incident happened on Sept. 17 at the airport in Christchurch where, the day before, the All Blacks beat South Africa 41-13. Smith and a woman spent about 10 minutes in a restroom for those with disabilities. An annoyed couple with children was waiting outside the bathroom, and they taped sounds and took pictures of Smith leaving the scene. That information didn’t come to light until this week, and the All Blacks took action because Smith was in team uniform on a team trip. Key believed the incident was unusual in that the All Blacks, for more than a decade, had been good role models “for the most part.”

What in the hell is going on here? I don’t mean to be a “dude if you don’t fuck girls other than your girlfriend you’re a pussy” tough guy, I’m on record as being pro-monogamy, but what the fuck is the point of becoming a superstar athlete if you can’t have a little airport bathroom sex? You think Aaron Smith is in the rugby game because he just absolutely loves getting tackled by huge Samoans while he isn’t wearing pads? Fuck no. He’s in it for the girls. That’s why kids want to play shortstop in little league, it’s why they want to play forward in squirts, and it’s why they want to play quarterback in high school. If you start suspending guys for fucking groupies then you’re literally taking away the #1 benefit of becoming a professional athlete and you’re gonna have a hard time  signing players in the future. I honestly feel like I’m taking crazy pills with this right now. I mean can you IMAGINE if they pulled this kind of bullshit in American sports? Imagine if Bill Belichick announced in 10 minutes, “Sorry but Tom Brady has been suspended by the team for this week. He had some sex outside of his marital bed” (not that Tom would ever do that, of course)? The world would EXPLODE.

I honestly feel like I’m taking crazy pills right now. I thought there had to be more to the story but nope, turns out he just fucked a chick in an airport bathroom, some shitty lady snitched on him, and he’s suspended because he’s not a good role model. Get all the way the fuck out of town with this, All Blacks. You guys are like the only rugby team I’ve ever heard of and now you’re also the stupidest rugby team I’ve ever heard of.