Dynamite Nippled Sunbather Arrested For Wearing Only Cling Wrap

A 59-year-old man who wore a bikini fashioned out of see-through plastic wrap on a New Jersey beach is facing a criminal charge.
Beach Haven police said Stephen Wojciehowski spent two days on a Long Beach Island beach wearing a homemade bikini in which his genitals were clearly exposed.

Let’s get the elephant in the room out of the way before settling in on the real issue. My man has a strong nipple game. I’m on the record as having dime-sized nipples at best. I’ve always been aware of my little nip issue and it’s been troublesome for my morale my entire adult life. I’ll get through it. That’s real courage ICYMI. Stephen doesn’t have my nipple inferiority concern. Just a dynamite set of nipples.

He does have an issue with selecting attire. Wearing a cling-wrap bikini is a mistake. You have a big sweaty mess around your dick. Have you ever cooked a tough cut of meat on a smoker? Feels like Stephen here is cooking his dick low and slow by not letting it breathe. Penises, despite popular belief, need air to survive. Suffocating your penis isn’t smart but it shouldn’t be criminal. Police get too involved in our private’s lives. I’m sick of it.

Stephen’s wife is such a ride-or-die chick. She might be my favorite aspect of this story.

A woman who answered the phone at his house said “nobody’s here” and hung up.

Love it. I bet the newscaster was left mouth agape after that spin zone. I understand the wife being protective of her husband, though. Nipples like his don’t come around every day.