If You Confront Someone Cutting The Late Night Pizza Line, You Better Hope He Doesn't Stab You

WaPo - A man who went ahead of other customers in a “jumbo slice” pizza line early Sunday stabbed a man who confronted him, D.C. police said, before being knocked unconscious.

Police said the argument began just before 4 a.m. when the suspect, Jose Nelson Melendez Rodriguez, 20, skipped ahead in line at Jumbo Pizza, 1344 U St. NW, in an incident first reported by the Borderstan blog.

When a man took issue with the line-jumping, Rodriguez suggested taking matters outside — which they did.

It was then that Rodriguez got a knife from his book bag and stabbed the man, according to a D.C. police incident report. The victim then punched Rodriguez, knocking him unconscious, according to the report. Later, a friend of the stabbing victim kicked Rodriguez in the head, the report said.

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Straight up if you cut the late night drunk Jumbo Slice line, you’re a grade A, jumbo scumbag. There are rules to the world. There are laws in society. And one such law, no matter what time it is, no matter how drunk you are, you wait in line for ginormous slices of pizza in a civilized fashion. We’ve all been super blacked out drunk, woken up in the morning with no recollection of the night before, and found an empty box of Jumbo Slice on the coffee table. You know why? Because your drunk brain knew that no matter how soaked in booze it was, it needed a 3,000 calorie slice of za. You know what you didn’t find on yourself? Stab wounds.

I would like to return to the first sentence of this blog now. Cutting the line makes you a Grade A scumbag. Cutting the line and then stabbing someone who calls you out on it is sort of bad ass. That’s commitment to the cause. When your name is Jose Nelson Melendez Rodriguez, you can’t NOT stab a motherfucker who calls you out on shit. People with 4 names are born to stab people. Jose Nelson Melendez Rodriguez is the stabbiest name of all time. So I hate to say it, but he can cut the line whenever he wants, and if you stand up to him, god bless you, but your ass is getting knifed up.