"The Patriots Should Sign Peyton Manning" Is The Worst Sports Take To Have Ever Existed

I’m not even exaggerating when I say shit like this should cost you your Twitter account. It’s more offensive than the shit racist Twitter eggs spew because people actually get paid and further their careers, yeah, further, with this nonsense. The eggs are horrible but at least they see no personal gain from it all. At the very least this should land you in “Twitter Timeout,” a new place I just invented where you go when I decide you’re a moron and you stay there for a minimum of two weeks, unable to tweet, and get shamed by everyone on the internet. Remember the liquor stores that would steal your fake and put it on display for everyone to come in an be like, “What the fuck? That’s the worst ID I’ve ever seen!! Why did they think that would work?!” That’s what Twitter Timeout is, only instead of your bad IDs it’s full of your bad takes.

I’m not even saying all this as a Patriots homer either. It doesn’t make a fucking LICK of sense for either side of the coin to even explore this idea. The Patriots have a number of guys they could go after who have been in the system, have worked out in the last six months, have thrown a good football in the last two years, and wouldn’t start a media shitstorm the second they walked into town. And guess what? The idea makes less sense for Peyton Manning. I can almost guarantee he’s making more doing commercials on Sundays than he would make playing football for the Patriots. You think a guy who’s spent his entire professional life chasing Tom Brady and living in his shadow is going to get off the couch for two weeks only to get cut once Tom Brady returns? HA! Not a fucking chance in hell.

And you want to know what else I can guarantee? I can guarantee that if for some fucked up reason the Patriots did call, and for some even more fucked up reason Peyton Manning did answer, Roger Goodell would immediately re-open that whole PED situation that got cleaned up so nicely because, whoops, some more evidence was discovered and now that Peyton is in a Patriots jersey he’s obviously guilty and suspended for four games. Patriots lose a draft pick because they should have known Peyton was on PEDs.