This Chick's Tinder Bio Has The Best News For Short Guys On Dating Apps Since Standing On Tippy Toes In Photos
Sure she’s not really being supportive and, in fact, is actually probably very disdainful towards short dudes. But you know what? When life hands you lemons, you have to use those lil hands and that “hitting the gym a lot and having huge forearms because of a Napoleonic complex” strength to squeeze out some lemonade. And being eye level with titties is that lemonade. I’m not sure lying to women via dating app is 2016-appropriate but in this case I’d fully sign off on some 5’5 dude with a long torso pretending he’s 6’1, charming the pants off this chick, then meeting up with her and then getting that “oh I guess we should hug” hug and getting himself a faceful. Really make that boat run. Once the short guy gave her the full “whrhrhhrhrhfhfhrggggggggg” noise in that process, how could she resist? The seas are choppy for this broad and a short man with a willing motor might be the only one who can adeptly navigate them. (via PG)
And here we are, another Barstool office edition of the Tinder roundup. And while I may have lost my magic decriminalized Tinder blogging Popeye spinach as part of the office move, it’s #AlohaFridays at the office today thanks to the Pardon My Take crew so I’m optimistic we’ll make it out okay again:
Thanks to the folks who sent things in, follow me on Twitter to DM in your screenshots and let’s get to this week’s quality dating app content!
I knew I’ve been getting turned on at Boston Market for years for a reason (via TR)
She’s Asian so I’d say the story checks out here (via SLC)
That’s so Raven (via R)
Way too much going on here but I laughed so why not (via P)
WHO WORE IT BETTER
(via P)
At least let the vag heal before you’re on a dating app, no one wants to split taint stitches if they make the bad life choice of swiping right here (via One)
Nothing like a than/then mixup to show how classy you are…though the Dodge the father line is pretty great as far as “trashy things girls who fuck dudes in John Deere clothes have on a bumper sticker” go (via NK)
One of those bios where you assume she’s joking but if she’s not joking she’s REALLY not joking (via M)
I’d hate this from a woman, I hate it 1,000x more from a guy (via L)
Don’t we all, Bridgey girl. Don’t we all. (via SLM)
All she needs is U (via KB)
I’d make a joke about how Lindsey seems to be missing the D but the gun is a little intimidating (via DS)
Your competition for the week is Yasiel Puig and he’s somehow even more shameless on dating apps than he is wearing a Dodger cheerleader outfit (via K)
(via GH)
Your name is an Abbott and Costello bit and you need to recognize that (via GB)
Cheerleaders on Bumble probably should have held that sign up vs Wisconsin in week one (via DR)
Rough week for Maine girls in the submissions (via DB)
This chick also from Maine I’m told…ROUGH week for Maine (via AC)
Seems like she would have been better off marrying the dog (via BC)
God you just know she thinks this is the sexiest lip bite ever too (via BC)
When u a punter and u gotta link you Twitter so chicks believe you play in the NFL (via AG)
Are ballerinas secretly filthy girls? I wouldn’t be shocked (via A)
And onto the hot and NSFWish ones…
ASU girl looks, Bama girl world views (via ASU)
I honestly don’t even remember if chicks had ass like this when I was 18 or if it’s all improvements in presentation (via Pizz)
So this Saturdays are for the Boys thing seems pretty cool huh (via KU)
I’m hoping she took the 4 credit class on How Not To Make Titty Fucking Look Ridiculous at Big Cock U (via Bags)
Honestly even if she’s super hot I’d still swipe left here, I couldn’t call a chick a “submissive little slut” out loud without cracking up and killing all the dominate whipping vibes. That’s just me. (via TZ)
Far away butt shots on a swing is almost too many sneaky tactics, way too easy to hide some hurt (via TP)
Far away butt shot’s value on full display, turning a solid but into an all star all with the power of a little distance (via RN)
The MILF body to end all MILF bodies on display here (via MF)
Could do without the kid in the pic but strong week for MILFs here (via JD)
Yessir, biiiiiiiiig MILF week (via B)
They look like pumpkins in that dress but it is fall so I’m not hating it (via JB)
Not sure what’s going on here but I’m not mad at it either (via GJ)
Pretty sure this was on here some time before but I’m confident both you and I don’t care (via EW)
I didn’t use thicc in that sexy teacher blog earlier this week, I won’t make that mistake twice. This girl…
…….thicc………
(via DM)
#freethenipple because this alternative of pasting nipples on top still creeps me out (via DQ)
I’d look down all the time too if I were her (via CB)
The guy who sent this in also sent this from me in previous Tinder roundup:
#TheSpagsPromise of capturing up every set of see through nipples on the dating apps is still on but this definitely seems against the initial intentions of this process
(via C)
Ayyyy diversity and a MILF! #TheSpagsPromise healinggggggg (via CC)
She’s very hot but looking at her I bet she sucks, not really any other way to say it (via AV)
That the behind the back naked shot making all the waves on the dating apps brings me such great joy (via Coal)
And a DOUBLE far away nude what a glorious week for the hot and NSFW section (via SM)
And there we have it, another week in the books of the Tinder roundup. Please do follow me on Twitter and DM me your screenshots, thanks again to those who sent things in, and happy swiping!