Bill Simmons Commits Act Of War, Makes Video Coming At Joel Embiid

The tension I felt surging through my body as I watched that video was overwhelming. “No one comes at Jojo like that,” I thought to myself. “NO ONE!” A more rational side of me tried to bring some calm to the situation, as I reminded myself that he was just trying to rile me up and that I shouldn’t take the bait. But then the devil on the other shoulder reminded me how much I love bait and how delicious it is.

So if Simmons wants war, he’s got it. If he thinks that Joel Embiid isn’t going to wad up Isaiah Thomas and physically dunk that midget’s body with such titanic force that his decrepit cadaver shatters the parquet, he’s got another thing coming.

Does he think that Joel needs more bulletin board material? Cause I can personally guarantee he is pinning his phone to a bulletin board this very instant, and that he will be playing this video on loop until his fingers and toes are lined with sparkling championship rings. The person that I truly feel sorry for is the 5’6 white dude against whom he’s training, because that poor schmuck is in for a world of hurt.

What we have here is a heavy case of projection on the part of the Boston fan base. They have no centers, and thus feel the need to make fun of the squad who’s center cup runneth over. They are still pissed that Danny Ainge couldn’t swing his shit deal of RJ Hunter for the number one overall pick, or whatever cockamamie bullshit their fans think they deserve.

Here is some terrible news for the gang up in Boston. This Celtics team will NEVER win a championship. The Sixers team that won 10 games a year ago has more promising prospects to win a championship in the near future than the No. 2 seed Celtics. And even if that never happens I will rest easily knowing this Boston squad will never win shit.

So enjoy your laughs Simmons. But know that the reckoning is coming. And remember Spit Guy 33, we’ve got your son.