Ryan Lochte Signs New Endorsement Deal With A Cough Drop Company Called "Pine Bros."

CNN- While other companies have dropped Olympic swimmer Ryan Lochte, Pine Bros. cough drops have signed him to a new endorsement deal. “Just as Pine Bros. is forgiving to your throat, the company asks [the] public for a little forgiveness for an American swimming legend,” the company said in announcing the deal Thursday. Lochte, a 12 time Olympic medalist, was at the center of a scandal over an account he gave of being robbed at gunpoint. Lochte said he “over-exaggerated” the story in an interview with NBC. The four companies that had endorsed him in Rio — Speedo, Polo Ralph Lauren, mattress manufacturer Airweave and Gentle Har Removal — all dropped him after it became clear his version of events wasn’t accurate. While others were abandoning Lochte, the CEO of Pine Bros. contacted Lochte this week. “We all make mistakes, but they’re rarely given front-page scrutiny. He’s a great guy who has done incredible work with charities,” said CEO Rider McDowell. “I’m confident that Pine Bros. fans will support our decision to give Ryan a second chance.”

I really love how this cough drop company is acting like they’re gonna be the ones who set Ryan Lochte back on the right path. Just read those quotes from their press release. “We all make mistakes” and “He’s done great work with charity” and e “I’m confident that Pine Bros. fans will support our decision.” That’s a fucking weird thing to say. You guys make cough drops. Nobody has such a relationship with their cough drops that the celebrity endorser sways them to buy one brand over another. Cough drops are cough drops. And as much as I wanna root for a Ryan Lochte redemption story, because everyone loves a redemption story, Ryan Lochte ain’t a great candidate. He’s gonna fuck it up. He’s gonna be pictured doing coke off a Pine Bros. bag or something. He’s gonna fuck up his Dancing With The Stars appearance too. He’s gonna have sex with the wrong person or punch someone. Some how some way, without a doubt, Ryan Lochte will screw it all up. He’s the screw-up cousin everybody has. He also just so happens to have a bunch of Olympic medals.