Does This Look Like The Face Of A Guy Who Kept A Human Brain Under His Porch And Used It To Get High?

WP- When police showed up at a vacant trailer-home in Penn Township, Pa., last month, neighbor Pat Beck was worried something might be wrong. Their presence seemed even more mysterious when Beck saw an investigator remove a box from the home and place it in a police vehicle. Several weeks later, a reporter from Fox affiliate WPMT finally told Beck what was inside that box: a human brain. “It just scares me to death,” a terrified Beck told the station. “I didn’t think they were that kind of people, but nowadays, you never know.” Police told the station that the brain was found beneath a porch, where it was kept inside a Walmart shopping bag. It even had a name: “Freddy.” Police say the name was given to the brain by Joshua Lee Long, who is already incarcerated by Cumberland County in connection with a string of burglaries in Pennsylvania, according to the Sentinel. “The defendant related that he knew it was illegal to have the brain and that he and (another man) would spray the embalming fluid on ‘weed’ to get high,” Trooper John Boardman, an investigator involved in the case, wrote in court documents cited by the AP.

Ohhhhhhhhkay. Time for everybody to grab their gavel and judge this guy for what he did. Well let me say this, let the first person who hasn’t kept a human brain under their porch in a Walmart bag that they named Freddy cast the first stone.

*waits forever and literally not a single person throws a stone*

What the FUCK man? First of all, yeah he does look like the kind of guy who would do this. He’s just got that I-have-a-brain-under-my-porch look to him. Second, the part where he named the brain Freddy is by far the most fucked up part out of all the fucked up parts of this story. You know when you’re thinking about getting a dog (or having a baby I suppose. I’m less familiar with this) and you’re kicking around names in your head? Well this guy did that too but it was for the human brain he was keeping under his porch. There was a moment in time when he thought, “Well now that I have this brain there’s only one problem. I don’t know what to name it!” That’s a real thing that happened. It’s hard to surprise in the age of the internet but this one takes the cake.

PS- If you’re having a rough day, week, month or year just think about this story. It’s all about perspective. You might think you’re a piece of shit but just remember that you don’t have a human brain under your porch that you use to get high. You’re doing alright.