Starbucks Has An Incredibly Difficult Interview Process

So I’m working from a Starbucks today, so I can say I got out of the house. I used to make fun of these people but I’m gonna be totally honest with you, it’s kind of nice. I don’t even drink coffee so I’m just here stealing wifi but I’m really digging the whole atmosphere. Some calming music, blenders serving as white noise, a little chatter here and there, it’s all very conducive to the blog game. There’s even a Pokestop right here, if you can believe it. I know, how lucky can a guy get? Sure, sacrificing that midday “I just saw a quick glimpse of the GTA thumbnail so now I must masturbate or I’m going to explode” session kinda sucks, but the rest of this is all very lovely.

Anyway, the main reason I’m saying this is because I’ve had the good fortune of listening in on some interviews. At the table right next to me the manager has fashioned a regular table into something of a work station that features three, THREE, different cups or mugs of coffee. Huge passion for coffee on this guy. He’s also very homosexual. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, I’m just trying to be as descriptive as possible here.

The very first question he asked a girl who sat down was, “What made you want to be a barista?” I would have spit out my coffee if I was drinking any when he said that. What made me want to be a barista? Dude what the fuck do you think made me want to be a barista? My bank account did. The fact that I have 16 dollars to my name is what drove me to this career field. It’s not something I’ve longed for since I was a child, it’s not the family business, I just need money and you guys have it so I figured what the hell.

Honestly, I think that’s the most difficult interview question ever asked. Way tougher than all that “how many basketballs can fit in this room” or “how many stoplights are there in Manhattan” mumbo jumbo. Because that’s a damn near impossible response to navigate. You can’t just say you’re poor and out of options, so you need to make something up. And the dude asking the question knows it’s because you’re poor and out of options, so it needs to be a convincing enough lie that he thinks, “Ok, that was good enough.” Home girl went with she’s a morning person and is looking to have a reason to get out of the house while making a little cash, I actually thought that was a pretty good one but apparently I don’t know shit because she got the, “We’ll let you know” response. Brutal, brutal to see that happen live.

PS – He also asked her if she’s a regular customer. No, man. I’ve never been in this place before. Actually hate any caffeinated beverage, cold or hot, but decided this would be a good spot for me.