Donald Trump Picks Indiana Governor Mike Pence, Not Moon-Base-Newt, For VP

Trump to Pick Indiana Gov. Mike Pence as VP, Says Source https://t.co/8UL3UB2luK pic.twitter.com/H3hLjBOMqw

— Roll Call (@rollcall) July 14, 2016

CNN is there. Nothing says political importance like a black SUV.

We are live outside Indiana Gov. Mike Pence’s mansion. Watch on Facebook https://t.co/KAIUADLpk7 pic.twitter.com/EUoUhJkPrB

— CNN (@CNN) July 14, 2016

Devastating. I’m devastated. Crushed. Could even go as far as to say I’m deflated, which might finally get me on the Rundown. Here I was thinking all week that Newt Gingrich, the Moon Base Candidate, was finally going to get his shot. Was finally going to be thrust into the spotlight. And who better for the Moon Base Candidate to be standing alongside of than Donald Trump? It was a match made in heaven. The final piece of the puzzle we all needed to launch this ridiculous election into the stage of official, irreversible absurdity.

But no. We get Mike Pence. Mike Pence. Who the fuck is Mike Pence?

– Current Governor of Indiana. Previously, served 6 terms as Representative of Indiana’s 6th district to the U.S. House Of Representatives.
– Well-connected and well-liked on Capitol Hill. Historically good fundraiser (get dat money).
– Hardcore social conservative. Interesting, but understandably logical choice for Donald, who is relatively socially moderate for a GOP nominee.
– Beloved in the talk radio circles. And talk radio circles is GOPers’ bread and butter.

Is he a logical choice? Yes. Is he the ideal choice for Barstool Real News Type Shit Writer Riggs? Absolutely not. I’m deflated.

RIP in peace, Moon-Base-Newt.