Phillies Minor League Team Is Whipping Out Cat Uniforms And It's Downright Embarrassing For Everyone

Jesus Christ, Phils. We’re trying to groom the (somehow) increasingly budding talent here into vicious, savage warriors who believe winning isn’t everything, it’s the only thing. How the fuck are they supposed to do that looking literally like a bunch of pussies. I’m not happy one bit. I know it’s only the minors and they do happy crap like this all the time, but anyone who dons these things isn’t getting anywhere closer to the show. You wanna do it big and put the asses in the seats in the minors? Do it right like this ECHL team who brilliantly went full Seinfeld with Puffy Shirts awhile back:

This is how you put your ECHL team on the map without having to use violence or talent. I couldn’t tell you where the Bakersfield Condors played before this happened. And you know what? I still couldn’t. But it’s still a great effort as the magic is in the details. The ice reporter gal perfecting The Low Talker. Kramer shouting racist remarks from the rafters. Mickey Abbot, Lloyd Braun, David Puddy. They’re real and they’re spectacular. Plus it’s a power play putting The Wiz in goal. Nobody beats The Wiz. NOBODY! Well, except Idaho in OT. But other than that, NOBODY. The only better move would be putting the Mandelbomb family out on the ice. There would be no survivors.

See, Lakewood. That’s how you minors. Kind of surprised in two months time all the NHL teams weren’t wearing the pirate look. Look at it. Is it cool or what?