Ladies And Gentlemen. The Auston Matthews Era Is Finally Here
We’ve been talking about it from the very moment that Connor McDavid was drafted first overall last year to the Edmonton Oilers. Auston Matthews. The pride of Scottsdale, Arizona. The guy whose parents had sex one time and then made it their life’s mission to disrespect the capital of Texas. And now, the guy who will be the face of the Toronto Maple Leafs organization. He’s got a tough road ahead of him. He’ll be tasked with being the savior that brings that title-starved city their first Stanley Cup in over 50 years. A task that not even legendary human being Phil Kessel was up to. But Matthews is an exceptional talent. He’s everything you’re looking for in an elite 1C. He’s got size. He’s got speed. He’s got the hockey IQ. He’s a 200-ft player and it’s bullshit that Toronto gets to have him. But such is life.
Auston Matthews is just the 7th American born 1st overall pick in NHL history. He follows Bryan Lawton in ’83, Mike Modano in ’88, Bryan Berard in ’95, Rick DiPietro in ’00, Erik Johnson in ’06 and Patrick Kane in ’07. So he’s either going to turn into one of the creepiest looking dudes alive like Lawts. He’ll become one of the greatest legends to ever live like Modano. He’ll lose an eyeball like Berard. He’ll jerk off more times per day than times making the playoffs in his whole career like DiPietro. He’ll be the pure definition of irrelevance like Erik Johnson. Or… well he’ll be a 3-time Stanley Cup winner with a ton of legal issues like Patrick Kane. It’s a real choose your own adventure for Auston Matthews right now.
Now Toronto turns their attention toward trying to sign Stamkos next weekend. Not the worst time in the world to be a Maple Leafs fan, tee-bee-aytch.