The Carson Wentz Era Is Off To A Tremendous Start (He's Getting Locked In Gas Station Bathrooms)
What if I told you that the #2 overall pick in the 2016 NFL Draft and future face of a franchise is not only using gas station bathrooms in New Jersey, but also getting locked inside of them. Barstool Sports presents 69 for 69: Carson Wentz his pants.
Seriously though. How do you find yourself in this situation? Out of all the places in the world to take a piss, why do you go to a gas station in Jersey? They won’t even let you get out of your car to pump your own gas, let alone to take a leak in some dingy piece of shit bathroom filled with a pool of piss for the floor and a toilet seat caked over in fecal matter. But like Carson said, praise the LORD for those attendants. Because it is from him and with him and through him that Carson was able to survive this challenge. It was through the power of Jesus Christ himself that Carson Wentz is still alive instead of being raped and murdered by some homeless lunatic in there. People forget that dog backwards is actually man’s best friend. Well… people besides Carson, that is.
Goddammit this story is so Philly it hurts. And I’m sorry for taking the Lord’s name in vein. But if Carson Wentz can’t even make it out of a bathroom, how is he supposed to escape the blitz? We’re screwed.
P.S. – think Carson tested out one of the glory holes in there just thinking that it was some biblical shit? All glory be to God, now put the cock of Christ in your mouth?