Man In Good Spirits After Freeing His Dick From a Toilet Python

Source - It was less than a good morning for Atthaporn Boonmakchuay today. Not after a python slithered out of his squat toilet, bit his penis and refused to let go.

Atthaporn, who just regained consciousness, spoke from his hospital bed Wednesday afternoon to recount the ordeal he experienced in the bathroom of his home east of Bangkok in Chachoengsao province, which he’d entered for his morning routine of a shower and protracted bowel movement.

Atthaporn said he had just squatted over his toilet for his usual 30 minutes of morning business, according to Khon Khao Bang Pakong, when the python rose from the depths to fasten its jaws around the end of his penis.

As his wife Sawittree Shooyoung would tell Thairath, that’s when she heard him scream for help and call for a rope. Entering the bathroom, Sawittree found her bleeding husband fighting with the nearly 4-meter long python. She gave him the rope as requested.

Just before he passed out from loss of blood, Atthaporn grasped the serpent by its head and managed to use the rope to tie it to the bathroom door.

Life is bad enough if you’re born Atthaporn Boonmakchuay. Like straight up, if your name is Atthaporn Boonmakchuay, nothing in life is going to come easy to you. You’re more than likely going to work for Comcast customer service for $3 an hour until a wild tiger falls through your ceiling and eats your face off. And that’s if you’re lucky. If you’re unlucky you end up squatting over your toilet for your morning dump and having a big fucking python take a bite out of your cock. That’s when I end my life. The second you live in a place where it’s possible for a python to bite your dick while you’re taking a dump, that’s it. Curtains for ya boy. What in life is worth living for when you can’t even poop without a snake trying to give you the worst blow job of all time…WHILE YOU’RE SQUATTING OVER A HOLE IN THE GROUND. No thanks. I’m good. There’s nothing in my life that I’d trade for 1 day of Atthaporn Boonmakchuay’s life. That’s the USA difference.

PS: I thought this story could be fake until I saw the pictures. And boy did I leave out the grossest one. NSFL. Fo life.