South Korea Claims They Have An Ice Cream That Cures Hangovers But We All Know They Don't

GIP- A cold, creamy hangover cure? We’ll drink to that! Ice cream is the comfort food we use to relieve heartbreak, sick days and lonely Friday nights—but now the dessert is also being used to recover from a long night of drinking. The Gyeondyo-bar —which translates to “hang in there”—was released on Friday in a chain of South Korean convenience stores, according to Reuters. Apparently, booze and business in South Korea go together like Ben and Jerry’s. South Koreans consume 12.3 liters of alcohol per year, beating out the rest of Asia-Pacific, according to a 2014 World Health Organisation report. While Americans turn to cold showers and hot coffee, drinkers there lean on hangover remedies like soups and beverages. The cold treat’s headache-healing powers is reportedly due to oriental raisin tree fruit extract, which has been used in Korean hangover cures since the 17th century. And the bar’s grapefruit flavor offers a sweet yet sour-ish blend that likely isn’t too far off from last night’s beverages.

Nope you don’t South Korea. Sorry. You do not have a cure for hangovers in the form of ice cream. How do we know this? We know this because hangover cures simply do not exist. We’ve been searching for a cure since the beginning of time and we still haven’t found it therefore it doesn’t exist. Some of the smartest minds in human history have tried to find a cure for hangovers and have come up with nothing. And I know what you’re thinking. “I have my own methods that work just fine thank you very much. Speak for yourself.” You’re also wrong. Chinese food and iced coffees aren’t a cure. They’re merely a distraction from the pain and anxiety you will feel later. The only true cure for a hangover? Time. The passage of time is the only thing that works. Or alcohol abstinence all together but fuck that. Time is the only real one. You will feel the pain until it runs it’s course. Then your brain will somehow forget it happened at all and you will go to the bar again on Saturday.

PS- If you’re a college kid (or younger) reading this, you might be wondering what the hell I’m talking about cause your hangovers only last a few hours into the day. By 6pm you’re ready to rock again. Well listen up. There will come a day when your hangovers last for days. Yes. Days. It happens at different times for everybody. It might not happen tomorrow or next week or next year but, as sure as you were born, it’ll happen. It happened to me after I turned 25. Hangovers for me are now a full blown emergency.